doodle thoughts

2011-08-21T21:44:00.000-07:00

So i ran nearly 10-1/2 miles today.

I was worried, because even though I was given an inhaler, I haven't been exactly thrilled with the results.

After some runs, I was over the moon with the results! Other times, I couldn't get any wind in my lungs.

So I started to feel defeated.

I wasn't sure anymore.

Maybe I wasn't using the inhaler correctly. Maybe I needed to get more tests done.

Then this morning, I took the puffs from my inhaler and off I went with my running buddies.

Worried but hopeful. Always the optimistic, I felt that maybe this was going to my day. But I still wasn't completely sure. I was feeling unsettled.

To be honest, I haven't been enjoying running lately.

I missed the joy. Worried that I could give up. I felt I was that close.

We started our run in Point Reyes National Seashore and it was truly a spectacular run... breezing past the Douglas fir forest and along the rushing Bear Valley Creek. The Bear Valley Trail ended here at the end of the California coastline called Arch Rock.

It felt mostly effortless. I chatted with others. I wasn't sucking up breaths. I sprinted uphill to the cliffs of the Pacific Ocean and felt powerful.

On our decent back, I decided to jockey into position to out-pace other runners during the single track trail and somewhere running in the uneven terrain, I felt a muscle snap.. and saw a lightening bolt in front of my eyes. I stopped in mid stream... and when my running buddies turned their heads around and stopped 50 yards ahead of me, noticing I wasn't with them ... I waved them on ....to keep running.

I leaned down and sucked in the pain. I tried to stretch it out. I was now all alone at the pacific ocean and they were looking more like ants as they were running back to the car. What was I to do?

Well.. I walked for a bit. Caught up to another running buddy, Dennis, who was walking because he felt upper back pain. We walked together for maybe 45 seconds and then I felt this urge to run through the pain. So I did. I ran and I ran and I ran. Passing each different running group and by the end of the nine-and-a-half mile run, I was back with my running buddies.

I sprinted at the very end and passed five of them.

I got my game on! I feel the reward. I feel as though I have my life back. I am deeply thankful that it begins today.

If you are feeling like you can't quite get your breath. That your legs can't quite carry you quick enough (like they once did)... you might want to check with your allergist. You just might be suffering with exercise-induced asthma.

My backyard

2011-07-22T20:23:00.000-07:00

I have been on a cleaning binge. And patching and repairing on my house.

I LOVE my home. But it didn't start out that way.

I LIKED it, but I've done a lot of work on it over the years. Let's say I saw the potential in it. Now, I really enjoy hanging out in my backyard.

This is a corner of my yard that shows the most impact.

Before it looked this this, the yard was void of any flowers or trees except one lowly rose bush.

The grass needed care. The screened in porch needed to get pulled down. So I pulled it down. And I planted trees. And I planted flowers. I also painted my house. And fertilized my lawn. I did a lot of this with my own bare hands. I also had a coupla friends over the years to help me which I will always be grateful for.

It is now really lovely to sit out in my backyard alone or with friends and family over dinner on a warm summer evening.

But it wasn't always that way. Because when I first moved in, my yard looked like this.

Another 10K Race

2011-07-21T19:23:00.000-07:00

It looks like I'm running in a relay.

But, instead, I am carrying a rather old ipod shuffle that ran out of batteries after my fifth mile. I had it hooked on my shorts, but it apparently started to bug me, so I just grabbed it and carried it in my sweaty hands.

I sprinted to the finish but it still turned out to be one of my slowest races. Falling behind nearly three minutes from the previous year. It was much warmer this year. But I am blaming it more on my breathing.

I've been having such a difficult time breathing while running. It has really been frustrating for me trying to keep up with the other runners I used to pass. It wasn't always this way, but now it is getting in the way of my running.

My lungs feel heavy and strained. So do my legs. Like boards. I can't get them moving as fast or with the same ease as I once did. My chest aches. I don't breathe in deep enough and I run like a panting dog.

I'm still out there running twice a week (not nearly as much as I should be running)... but I'm out there running with my running buddies... six or seven miles up in the hills, jumping over rocks, (and an occasional snake), and through meadows and along streams.

It's just different now.

I can barely catch my breath. My lungs feel so tight and ache when I take a breath in.

So i decided to seek medical attention.

First, I had a stress test done to check my heart. Walking progressively faster and faster as the incline increased every few minutes while they stuck me with sticky electrodes and attached to my chest, shoulders and hips. I aced it! (well, that's the word my doctor used... "you aced it, Shawn!")

I have gone to an allergist. No real allergies were determined. I had a reaction to a walnut tree... but other than that, I came clean with allergies.

I had lung function tests and the doctor listened to my heart and lungs and it, too, turned out strong and clear.

Next option: An inhaler. The doctor suggested that perhaps I have exercise induced asthma. He gave me a sample inhaler and suggests I take two puffs of it 15 minutes before I run.

I look forward to it working it's magic. I want to enjoy running again. Because at the moment, I am not.

Mostly, I'm scared, because I don't know why it has become so labor-intensive to run even short distances.

And I only know too well what will happen, if I continue to feel defeated. I will stop running. At at the present moment, I don't want that to be option.

what would you do if you couldn't fail?

2011-07-19T20:37:00.000-07:00

i'm back in my body where I hear the small yelp for something new and refreshing to quench my creative soul.

It's like a mirage.

Seemingly right there in front of me. If I reach out, I feel as though I can touch it; taste it. I stare out into the abyss and similar to the magic eye picture s... i squint my eyes a tad, so i can peer into a picture previously unseen to the eye.

What is it that i'm supposed to see?

What's my destiny?
What is my heart telling me?

Another birthday is approaching and so it's no wonder I am looking back over my life and wondering what the hell I'm supposed to be doing. I mean, rrrreally be doing.

It has nothing to do with my day job. I love my daylight hours designing fabric, ads, movies--- anything that lands on my platter... I enjoy doing... and hope to work here until my 100th birthday. But still... there is a huge longing to do something that is purely a "shawn" thing to do. A doodlegirl dream that has nothing to do with my daytime doodling.

It has everything to do with what I do with my free time in the evenings. I want to do whatever that IS that makes my heart sing.

What IS my greatest talent. What is that thing I am best at?

So many thoughts and ideas bouncing inside me like drunk people dancing at a wedding.

So I sit here outside under my new patio on a warm July evening and let my imagination soar. I am so grateful for my home. And my backyard that was once a pile of weeds but now green and luscious with beautiful purple agapanthus that look like fireworks in the night sky.

I am writing down notes. Remembering my earlier accomplishments and my pile of creative projects I started but never completed. Dreams I planted ... and can still grow if I cultivate it.

It's okay that I don't know the answer now. The map is still in my spirit and it's up to me to keep making steps in my creative journey in the same direction as I follow my heart.

Thinking about this makes me deliriously happy. And it takes my breath away.

What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?

In line at the Jack in the Box

2011-07-07T21:46:00.000-07:00

So, i don't normally eat fast food but today I couldn't resist. I pulled into the long line at the Jack in the Box and contemplated my order. The car ahead of me had two tiny old ladies in it and the driver could barely see above her steering wheel.

She crawled her way slowly toward the menu sign... and then pressed too hard on the brakes, lurching the car forward as it dipped to a stop. Both women bounced around in their seats.

The shocks in the car were shot. It was as if they were sitting on a trampoline.
Once the car settled down, she backed up so she could get a better view of the outdoor menu.

They took a long time deciding what they wanted to eat and when the voice in the speaker finally thanked her for her order and to move forward... I noticed her car was still in reverse! She started to inch her way toward me and I was just about to honk at her, when she noticed her mistake, breaking hard again.

Even more bouncing. Little round fuzzy white hair-dos rolling all over the front seat.

Eventually, she made her way to the first window and paid for their order. And as she drove up to the second window to receive their food, she simply waved, "thank you, darlin'!" and continued to drive out of the parking lot and turned right and drove down the street, forgetting to pick up their lunch!

I pulled up to the front window... still giggling to what I had just witnessed.

The Jack in the Box employee rolled her eyes and blew out a breath so hard, her bangs blew upward. "Old people!!!! Look what we have to look forward to!"

Reminds me of this joke:

Three sisters, ages 92, 94, and 96 live in a house together. One Night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts one foot in and pauses. She Yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses. Then, she yells, "Was I going up The stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get That forgetful."
She knocks on wood for good measure.
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

I got rid of a lotta paint today

2011-06-29T23:37:00.000-07:00

I just got rid of a lot of paint.

I'm amazed at how many half empty or unloved cans I was storing--- and I still kept probably at least another dozen more cans!

Why on earth did I squirrel them away? We've all got so much stuff.

It bursts out of closets and drawers.

Attics and garages groan with magazines, tools, ornaments, tangled lights, beach chairs, old clothes, books, cassette tapes and videotapes and piles and piles of things that no one uses or needs that we can't bear to throw away.

But I've got my second wind. Going back in and tossing out.

And I'm also repairing. And rebuilding. And turning my home more and more into the home I have always hoped for and believed I could have.

I am insanely happy working on my house. If someone asked me... "what do you like to do in your spare time?" I would most likely say, "Work on my house!"

Oh, don't get me wrong. I love spending the day at the beach or picnic in the park or a drive through the country and hanging out with friends. I get that.

But there is nothing like climbing into bed at night after a long, hard day of work having crossed off so many things off of my list of "to do's".

I've had a check list for years now. but after a month of weekends, I have crossed a lot of (little and large) chores off.

It is amazing what we can repair ourselves once we know how to do it and not be intimidated by the task. The biggest lesson I have learned is that to get all the things you need to get fixed.... (like drilling holes into concrete) all you really need are the proper tools. When you have the proper tools, you can do annyyyythiiiing.

I'm grateful that Jesus was a carpenter.... because I'm not sure if we would have all these marvelous tools if not for the son of God needing them back in the day.

And I'm grateful to all the other men in the construction field who invented the tools and named them after themselves. Like Phillip Screwdriver. And Brad nails. And Allen Wrenches. And Stanley measuring tape.

One more weekend and I'm done working on the house for the summer. It's been exciting, no doubt. And so rewarding.

Photos to follow...

LAUNCH.... as in Blast Off!

2011-06-17T17:08:00.000-07:00

Illustration Friday gives us a word each week and we draw an illustration with that word in mind. Today's word is LAUNCH. Which is ironically what I'm doing these days. Launching forward. Having the courage to step into the unknown and trying new things. I'm taking more chances. I'm saying Yes more and and saying No less. And enjoying my life so much more.

Life goes by like a flash of light that you're not even sure you saw in the first place. You turn and it is already gone. Long gone. Where did it go? And what's around the next corner?

Who knows? But I'm running toward it with gumption and not willing to sit on the curb and watch it pass me by.

It's blast off time. Time to launch.

What's holding you back?

2011-05-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

Spring Quilt Market in Salt Lake City

2011-05-26T21:47:00.000-07:00

In under two weeks before Quilt Market, I managed to pull off creating ten 4x8 foot panels made of my superheroes and eight other large cut-out superheros for our booth. Not to mention logo designs, bag labels, water bottle labels and other various designs at the last minute.

I loved it! I was in my element. And, isn't that the whole point? Work should feel delicious and rewarding and make your insides full of giddy.

The tables were covered in both my Lolly Dot print and Superhero City Nights. People dressed as my superheroes and for a moment there, seeing all my work showcased, I, too, felt for a few days ... super happy. Super satisfied. Superheroe'd out. I am thankful. I'm lucky, so blessed, with good health, somewhat decent genes and doing work that I love.

I flew into Salt Lake City for a few days and videotaped the events using a Flip Videocamera. I returned back to our Studio and edited hours down to just a few minutes.

You can watch it here. (remember to turn on your sound). We really do have that much fun at our shows. Thanks for watching.

Behind the scenes of Michael Miller Fabrics

2011-05-10T00:19:00.000-07:00

I have been busy.

It's all that hurry, hurry, rush, rush, hustle and bustle of getting things ready for Quilt Market. And now the time is finally here! Quilt Market in Salt Lake City is nearly lapping at our toes!

I often attend the International Quilt Market in Houston each year, but I rarely ever go to the Spring Quilt Market which hits different cities across the country every year. The last Spring Market I attended was in Portland, Oregon where I got to meet our first, brand spankin' new licensed designer Sandi Henderson and upcoming, still warm in the oven, Patty Young and Paula Prass.

I put this one-minute "trailer" video together and hope you take the time to watch it. It's behind-the-scenes of where I work! (All filmed on a Flip)

Here's another sneak peek at what I've been working on....

I designed ten 4' x 8' panel walls for our booth at Quilt Market in Salt Lake City to showcase the fabric I designed..... It's going to be a superhero theme!

This was inspired by the superhero fabrics I designed. (It's really blurry and it's not your eyes this time. I took it with my phone and and didn't look at it to see if it was clear or not). I am sleepy but feel happy and content. All the artwork I designed is out of my hands now and I just have to wait and see how the printers did and if they sent all the artwork in time to our hotel in Salt Lake City.

In case you didn't know ... I am praying for a miracle.

Memory Strategies

2011-05-06T01:23:00.000-07:00

She said... "Help me remember channel 220."

I said, "That's easy! Think of that old TV show Room 222. Then think of Dolly Parton singin' "Two doors down, they're laughing and drinking and having a party.." What room is two doors down? 220!"

I smiled to myself at my quick logic to help her remember the channel.

She looked at me in disbelief. "Okay!"

I once lived at 2001 Range Avenue in Apt 222.

It was so easy to remember my address:
Movie: 2001 Leagues under the Sea...
Song: Home on the Range.
TV Show: Room 222!!

(That '60s show again starring Karen Valentine comes in handy a lot!)

But sometimes you just have to pretend numbers are inanimate objects. Like that time when I had to pick a friend up at a diner in the City at 983 6th Street. The ONLY way I could remember the address was think.... "If nine ate three... it leaves six."

I try to convince others how easy it is to remember things if they just create a story in their head.

They stare at my blankly. "Isn't it easier to just remember the number than to recall the story?"

I suppose it is for most things. But I've never remembered it any other way. I've always created a story.
It's something I've been doing all my life.

Like how else would I have remembered when a friend fell in love for the first time back in May 1980? It was because she said she felt fireworks when he kissed her. M80s are large illegal firecrackers... that can cause harm, which come to think of it... the guy eventually DID break her heart .. so for now on, whenever I think of Lisa and her first boyfriend, i think of M80s: May 80.

In the late 90s, I taught my very young niece my telephone number: (Fourteen-Fifteen) Four-Five-Six- One Six-Two Six, pick up sticks.) The pick up sticks was just a fun rhyme, but the actual number was 1 (415) 456-1626.

See what I mean? I don't know why I think like that. But I do.

IF: Bicycle

2011-04-26T22:16:00.000-07:00

This week's Illustration Friday's topic is Bicycle.

This was a fun project for me. I had the job to create fabric out of some bicycle illustrations that were given to me. I added more of my own and placed them into a repeat and this is the result!

When I was a kid, I had a teal sting-ray bike with a banana seat, white wall tires and the requisite basket with flower appliques. (which i later replaced with a steering wheel I ordered from a Montgomery Ward's catalog).

I can vividly remember riding over tree-root-cracked sidewalks over to my best friend's house. A doll with clumps of human hair taped over the bald doll's head and belted around my waist behind me as if she was holding on to my waist; a playing card tucked between the spokes to sound like an engine.

I will never ever forget that one hot summer evening when I was probably 7. My sister and I and best friend Terry donned on baseball caps over our short pixie haircuts and pretended to be boys. We pulled off our shirts and raced our bikes around the block feeling dizzy with excitement wearing only our shorts and keds...

Another tough half marathon under my belt

2011-04-17T23:05:00.001-07:00

They called this race a gnarly trail run over tough uneven steep terrain. It was strongly recommended that we carry at least 20 ounces of water/fluids with us even though there were 5 aid stations spread throughout the course.

I knew it was going to be a difficult run.

(They slated it as tougher than last year's course).

I knew going in there was going to be a lot of miles of single track trails through meadows and up forested hills reaching to 1480 feet in elevation for most of the course. But what I couldn't dream up was that I would be able to run the race with very little pain in the quicker pace I had hoped for.

But I did. I really did it!

I finished feeling really happy with the results.

After taking an 11-day stretch off from running in the latter part of March for a much needed vacation and then...after four days of being home, i underwent surgery that would affect another 13 days off of running... (or any form of exercise), so you can imagine panic and fear setting in once I realized I didn't have many days in the last month to fully prepare for this race.

I became increasingly worried. "How will this affect me!?" Well. I figured. "NOT GOOD!"

------

Around the 3 mile mark... we were running on single lane trails. No way anyone could pass on them. You just settle in and run the course. Attempting to pass on the left could result in a serious fall... and it was impossible to pass on the right. So there we were ... running as though in traffic... keeping a five foot cushion between us as we ran, hoping no one stumbles and falls.. because that could leave for a dreadful result.

Once we got to a more clearer terrain, we fell into our comfortable running speed and spaced ourselves more appropriately.

I caught up to Wendy who is a nurse and my sister's friend and now a friend of mine.
I started singing behind her...

"Who's peeking out
from under a stairway .....
Calling a name that's lighter than air .....
Who's bending down to give me a rainbow .....
Everyone knows it's Windy .....

I don't think she heard me sing but glanced at me as I tapped her on her shoulder as I passed.. just as the steep climb turned downward... the gravity suddenly turned our run into a downhill race ... and ... as she raced downward, her foot stumbled over a rock and she flew. I mean ... FLLLLEEWWW ... through the air and skidded on the grass.

I stopped to ask if she was alright.

"I'm fine! Keep running!" she said.

And so I did.

Little did we both realize the next words to the song went on to say...

"Who's tripping down the streets of the city
Smiling at everybody she sees
Who's reaching out to capture a moment
Everyone knows it's Windy..."

And she did. She sorely tripped.. but she also got back up and continued to run and finished the race not all that much further than I did... smiling at everybody she sees .... She is TRULY that song!

Notice Wendy's bloody knees from her downhill fall

I felt in a zone.

I kept looking up thinking, "where am I?" I didn't recognize most of the course. It was gorgeous.. running down Buick Meadow was bonus reward for me.

I found my pace and kept passing slower runners on their left. It was a rocky, treacherous fire road that took it's toll this winter with the heavy rains. Deep crests. Large boulders towering up. It was tiresome.... lifting my legs to jump the rugged rocks... that were already tired doing their time earlier on the steeper grades.

The weather was mild, yet felt extra humid to me. I drank most of my water bottle the first 3 miles. I kept stopping at the AID stations that weren't out of water to grab a cup full. I was surprised I went through my water so quickly.

I kept looking back for a glimpse of Angie or Heidi. They were behind me and out of my sight. It didn't make any sense to me. Maybe it was the break I had and I gave my legs a chance to rest. I thought for sure I would be running behind them...

At one point, a runner asked me, "where do we think we are?"
"I shouted between breaths.. "At the 8th or 9th mile..."
She was surprised and said she felt it was more like 10 miles.

I hoped she was right. And thinking back... I believe she was.

Running just before the finish line, a team of 10-15 runners from the Jeff Galloway Group screamed my name, "GO SHAWWWN!" as i started to pace toward the finish. I looked up, waving my hands at them when I saw my brother, my nephew and niece and my cousin from Long Island visiting and Heidi's husband and kids standing next to them. Clapping and cheering me on.

I LOVED IT and it pushed me to sprint forward!!!

I ran it in 2:41:58 or was it 2:42:02....

No matter what.. i beat my time last year. And this year....it felt different. This year, I finished without any aches and pains. And that alone felt great!!!!

(Of course tomorrow holds the secrets to how I will really feel...)

“You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

On the other hand....

2011-04-03T21:33:00.000-07:00

No, this is not a trail running injury, but a surgical procedure I had planned on.

However, what I didn't plan on ... is the difficulty i have using my left hand on everything while being right-handed. It is all backwards. I called my hot oatmeal breakfast this morning ... porridge.

WHO DOES THAT!?!?

I instantly blamed it on my left-handedness and how it is rewiring my brain.

When I was little, I used to practice writing left-handed. And sometimes when one of the kids in my class happened to glance my way while we were sitting at our desks, I would exchange my pencil with my left hand and continue writing, hoping they would think I was a lefty.

It paid off.

I have written a few checks with my left hand during these last few days and had to sign my name on hospital forms and I'm quite pleased with the results!

But. I haven't mastered washing my hair yet.

I miss running. I can not run until four days before my half-marathon race and I try not to worry about that. I do, though. The race is April 17th.

It keeps surfacing to my thoughts. How well will I run? Can I keep the pace? It's a mental game. One that I don't want to play because it's a game where I always lose.

We tackled the Big Mountain

2011-03-06T22:49:00.000-08:00

Coach Marc warned us that it was going to be a grueling run. We were about to embark on a muddy running trek to reach 2,729 feet to the top of the mountain with awesome views. On a clear day we could see the Golden Gate Bridge from the top.

Of course this morning we knew better.

This morning it was all about rain, rain, rain.

Fog and low-lying clouds was the verdict of the day. It was difficult to see 50 yards ahead of us. No way would we have a view of anywhere, but we kept on running.

Bald Mountain is relentless.

It can chew up sweet lil Annadell (from across the way) and spit her out.

Coach Marc warned us it was going to be grueling run.

It was more than that.

It was brutal.

And yet each step was a gift. Running under the redwoods, alongside giant ferns and waterfalls.

There were cliffs so steep with gravel so loose, that it was as if I was running a jacobs ladder. I'd run three feet up and slip a foot down.

I'd crane my neck up to see where my path was leading and I would look see a runner run and disappear into the cloud..... and when I got to that spot.. I'd look up and there it would be another runner up ahead on another higher elevated place. One ridge and then another ridge. And then another. It seemed endless.

I really believe the fact we couldn't see below us.. it kept us moving forward. We had no sense how many miles we had ran. And looking down the cliffs, it was purely gray, so we had no idea how high we had climbed. But it was truly magical. And beautiful. And amazing. And serene.

Can't wait to tackle it again. Just hope it isn't anytime soon.

Here was our route:

My rollers, my friends

2011-03-05T19:23:00.000-08:00

Thanks to these delicious rollers and balls, they are helping to relieve me from all my pains in various areas: Achilles tendon, calf muscles, ham strings, IT bands, etc.

I've been doing excessive hill running... so my achilles tendon is stretching more than normal on every stride. On recent runs, it feels a though I have a metal rod in it's place.

So I dropped by my local running store and picked up a few rollers and balls to help me self-massage my sore areas. It's been a few weeks now since I started using the rollers and balls and I'm really feeling the rewarding results from using them!

The idea here is that you roll your body weight along the roller where you are experiencing tightness in your muscles to break up the knots. Believe me, it's no picnic. The sensation will make you wither in pain, but in a good wither! (ha!ha!)

Last Sunday was a 9-1/2-mile icy run up in Annadel. It was C0OoLD and it was muddy from the rains the day before. The first 4-1/2 miles was all uphill. Breathing deeply in frigid air was difficult on the lungs, but after awhile, I began to feel myself warming up. Once reached the top... we were treated to miles of fun fast downhill.

That's me in the picture below running through the muddy water. I read recently that it's better to run through the deepest part of the muddy terrain than to skip and prance around them. It's much more slippier on the outskirts, and besides that, it gives your shoes a nice bathing.

(Oh, who am i kidding.... running through mud puddles is an enormous rush for those of us who don't like to get dirty... and besides that, it makes me feel bodacious!).

Heidi and I running on South Burma

Early tomorrow morning I'm running a grueling 9 mile run 2,729 ft to the top of Bald Mountain. Forecast calls out rain all day so I imagine it will feel like a even longer run.

Coach Marc says, "the worse the conditions, the more memorable".

I'll keep you posted.

Wanna be a fabric designer?

2011-02-24T07:30:00.000-08:00

Have you ever considered being a Fabric Designer?

If you are nodding your head, then his could be a dream come true for you!

Spoonflower and Michael Miller Fabrics have gotten together to open up a contest to find Michael Miller Fabric's next licensed designer.

Pretty cool, huh?

Anyone can try their hand at designing. Get in touch with your inner artist. You only have one month from today to submit a Baby Boy Print to Spoonflower.

The one with the most votes win.

So get a move on. Hurry! Drop by Project Selvage right now because your dream starts there!

Never stop dreaming

2011-02-19T15:25:00.001-08:00

Running in a Winter Storm

2011-02-15T22:21:00.000-08:00

What a night!

Four of us running the hills tonight. One of our first (and hardest) winter storms of the season. Forceful rain. Strong wind. At times, wind gusts hit us at 40 mph. The rain hit us sideways. We were drenched to the bone... running 5-1/2 miles up and down hills in the darkest of night.

I am now warm and dry after taking a hot shower. It seems as if this happened at least a week ago, but it was really just a couple of hours ago.

Funny. What happens when you experience a storm.

You either focus on the storm or you don't.

I guess the storm just wasn't my focus.

I remember the run. And it was kinda fun. Yet hard. And I feel happy I didn't allow the storm to deter me. I'm happy there were three others who joined me who thought the same thing. Who laughed their way through the rain and the wind and enjoyed it as much as I did.

I just think I might be a runner now. Ya know? Those types of athletes who push themselves forward regardless of the weather. I did that tonight and it was pretty fun.

I'm so happy I pushed myself past the feelings of "I really don't feel like running the hills in the storm tonight"... to... "I just ran an incredible experience".

It is changing me... everyday.. in small positive steps each part of the way.

The Prom fabric

2011-02-10T22:06:00.000-08:00

Here is the Prom fabric I designed.

I was so thrilled when I happened to stumble upon modernjax this afternoon and discovered what Beth made from my Prom fabric. She made this really fun bag from Amy Butler's new book. Isn't it great!?!?!?! She is loaded with talent.
And I think I've become one of her biggest fans!!!

She also used more of my fabric designs on other bags she created.

These designs are from the Dick and Jane collection I designed in 2006! Could it really have been that many years ago? Time sure flies by when you're having fun!

1st Wk: Annadel Half Mrthn Race training

2011-01-26T23:09:00.000-08:00

Coach Marc giving us a pep talk before we head for the hills

I am loving running.

Who knew I would ever admit this?

Don't get me wrong. The first couple of miles sometimes hurt.

Sometimes ALL the miles hurt.

My hamstrings ache. My calves feel heavy. My achilles tendon pops and jumps. There are other hurts here and there.

Believe me... running .... is much harder than it looks.

But once I run. And I am done.. it feels GOOOD!

I am in the middle of WEEK ONE for another half-marathon training group up at Annadel Heights again.

I believe the race date is April 17th... Palm Sunday.

I can't fathom what this new training has in it's pockets. I am just going out there and giving it my best.

The first practice run wiped me out.

The pace was much quicker than I'm used to running. We ran 5 miles. But I was in the midst of all kinds of runners. Infact.. 125 runners. Mostly fast runners, so I huffed and puffed trying to keep up the pace, lagging behind in a deafening way.

And when I got home and showered.. I felt hungry all day. And cold though temperatures hit in the low 70s.

I am ready for anything. I just want to be positive and healthy and pain-free and optimistic and hardworking and kind.

Wow. That's a long list.

I just want to be able to stand and feel painfree when it's all done. When the race is over, I want to feel good and strong and brave and powerful.

Anything is within my grasp. Right!!?

HA!

Funny I am adding kindness to the list, but the more I run and converse with other running buddies.. the more I want that in my life.

I am taken back sometimes at runners who are particular who they run with. "I will not run with that person and I will run with this person".

Too much to keep up. I don't want drama. I just want fun. And friendships. And adventures.

And I'm on that path.

Here goes.

The morning after Christmas run

2010-12-26T11:39:00.000-08:00

What a great morning to run.

It was raining hard during the night and so I felt relieved that the rains had subsided when the alarm woke me this morning. I jumped out of bed and felt pretty confident that it was going to be a great morning.

What I didn't know then was that it was going to be a terrific morning!

I wore my brand new Christmas present.. a bright blue long sleeve running shirt and my Swansboro, North Carolina cap. I felt toasty amidst the cool dampness in the air and the cold waters we waded through.

It's rewarding running with a group of friends. I would not have ran this morning if I was out there plugging alone. No way would I have done that.

There is strength among numbers.

Dennis fell.

I didn't see him as I was too busy looking down, dancing over rocks under my own feet... but I heard he made a spectacular flight into mid-air in slow-motion before landing in mud and sliding his way down the trail. He feels great, though. No sore muscles or skinned knees. They're the best kind of falls.

Because once you fall, you're never the same.

You run with more caution. But it's lovely when that first fall takes place, it is relatively painless... because moving forward you run with caution, but you don't necessarily run with fear.

The recent rains have changed our runs. We had to push ourselves through lots of chilly streams. But it was all worth it.

Last year, we worried about getting our feet wet. Now Heidi jumps in with fearless abandonment.

Running is fun. And this is my playground. Wishing you to find your playground today. Wherever, whatever it is.

The sound of silence

2010-12-21T20:30:00.000-08:00

It's the silence that is so deafening.

Funny how the mind twists and turns truths like an old tired rope. All frayed at the edges.

It's the silence (or lack of response) that keeps you up at night worrying and re-living and keeping you from truly resting your spirit. When someone stops talking to you, many things happen.

For starters, the mind starts filling in the blanks that now so obviously exists between two people. The mind is inventive and cruel and cunning. It can tell you things so seemingly impossible, and make you believe them more than any thread of truth.

Silence can cause enormous paranoia.

You make up fears. You invent scenarios that never actually happened. You make up the problem in your head, and not the one that actually took place last week or last year or even many years ago.

What happened? Well, usually both people are right and wrong.

I always say there are three sides to every story.

First there is the truth which actually happened.

Then what follows is that each person sees it from a different perspective which creates the other two stories.

It's the perspective.

It's funny what people remember. Ask them to tell you their experience of the same event you just experienced with them and you'll know what I mean.

Where they stood and what they heard and saw and felt cannot be what you saw or heard or felt.

It cannot be. Because its two people experiencing it from different places.

A point of view changes everything. It's not all right. It's not all wrong. It's just different.

We are all guilty of this in smaller, subtle moments: The call we forgot to return. An email that we haven't replied to. Not responding to a facebook comment on our wall. We were busy. We forgot. We're still planning on calling, writing, commenting... we just haven't yet. And maybe we never will. But it's not intentional.

I am wishing you a view to remember that it's not always personal ... the courage to rise above the silence ... and the perspective to keep you focused on your journey.

Canada Eh?

2010-11-18T21:42:00.000-08:00

I had fun designing this one.

It's a picture map of Canada on flannel!

Travelin' through and lost your way? Just grab hold of one of these pajamas and you'll be back on your way in no time!

This was a fun project I designed for PJ'ZZZZ, located in Canada, of course!

These pajamas along with a few others I have designed are sold here. (Wish they came in adult sizes as well).

All photos are from Pjzzzz's website.

Sold only as pajamas

CX3742_Snow Monkeys

Sold only as pajamas

Sold only as pajamas

CX4436_Monkarena

Why I love Houston

2010-11-12T10:21:00.001-08:00

I recently returned from Houston. I was at Quilt Market and had an incredible time! I used my Flip to videotape setting up our booth and also during the show and if you're interested, go here and here. You can see the fun we all have together!

Here is another reason why I love Houston: Kooky and Creative Homes.

"Some people say this is sculpture
but I didn't go to no expensive school to get these crazy notions."

That's what John Milkovisch said about his his house. It's the Beer Can House in Houston. It was in 1968 when he started covering his house with flattened beer cans and he worked on it over the next 18 years.

When he was asked why he covered his home with beer cans, he said, "I guess I just thought it was a good idea. And it's easier than painting."

An estimated 50,000 cans adorn this house. His favorite beer was "whatever's on special." His wife, Mary and neighbors gladly pitched in to help him drink them.

Mary in front of their home in 1992 (photo of Martin Williams Agency)

Here is how the house looks now.

A Beer Can House in the middle of a neighborhood. I someday hope to return during a weekend day so I can tour the inside of the house.

I don't know how he died. I certainly hope he didn't die of cirrhosis of the liver.

And across town we came across another creative and kooky home called The Orange Show. It's located in Houston's East End.

It was built by Jeff McKissack, a retired mailman who loved oranges. He built his folk art by using found objects from 1956 until his death in 1980.

Photo by Marilyn Oshman

I was hesitant to walk around, as this neighborhood appeared more dicey than the previous neighborhood. No one seemed to be around and I didn't want to trespass. Then we spotted a volunteer painter doing a bit of sprucing up and invited us in. He said that he never really stops painting. Once he's finished touching paint up at one end of the yard, he starts back at the beginning.

It's pretty fascinating.

He collected old mannequins, tiles, tractor seats, and metal on his mail route and he was a big dreamer while stuffing envelopes in mailboxes.

All his life, he dreamed big.

At various times in his life, he tried his fortune at worm farms, a plant nursery and even a beauty salon. Sadly, they were all failures.

But he continued to dream, each morning, waking up and building sculptures with his found objects.

And then one morning. after 25 years, he finally completed it.

He was so excited!

He opened up the doors and waited for the rush of people to come. But only a curious few had heard of his 25-year project in the making and most of them walked around scratching their heads... not knowing what to make of it.

Very few found it to be a great work by one man who lived and breathed creativity.

Seven months after the opening of his life-long dream, McKissack suffered a stroke and died.

Neighbors sought to destroy it, deeming their neighborhood had gone down in value by the site of this amusement park.

Fortunately a group of people who appreciated the work of this man started a foundation that would save the property from ruin and now have it listed on the National Register for Historic Place.

You can watch a video of the Orange Show and The Beer Can house here.

Racing

2010-10-24T22:30:00.000-07:00

Racing!!!

Wouldn't it be fun to be tiny (as in my favorite third grade book: The Littles Take a Trip) and then discover a child's bedroom filled with hotwheels and tracks! Ohhhh to be able to race along the actual hot wheel tracks and sit in the plastic toy bleachers as a Little.

I spoke about this a few posts ago, but incase you missed it... when I was a child, I believed that Little People might really exist. I hoped they did. I wanted a little family to take care of. To carry them in my pocket when I went off to school. Feed them crumbs from the dinner table and give them a ball of cotton to sleep on at night.

Somewhat similliar to my "transportation piece: TotTown" Here is such a land for the Littles...

Irena Sendler

2010-10-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena.

During WWII, Irena got permission to work in the Warsaw ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist.

She had an ulterior motive.

She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews (being German).

Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried and she carried in the back of her truck a burlap sack, (for larger kids). She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto.

The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.

During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants.

She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely.

Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard.

After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family. Most had been gassed.

Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes or adopted.

Last year Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize.

She was not selected.

Al Gore won --- for a slide show on Global Warming.

You can read more about her here.

Wine Country Half Marathon in Healdsburg 10-10-10

2010-10-15T22:28:00.000-07:00

This photo is mostly of my running group where I was the pace leader.

I did it!

And it was a total blast!

I started out running in what people call a negative split. I didn't really plan it that way. It just happened.

Running in a negative split, is running the race quicker the second half of the race than at the beginning. The idea behind this is to start out slower so you can store up energy at the end of the race when you really need it.

And not to mention, the mental aspect it creates, passing runners one by one at Mile 12 was so rewarding. Even though it was a bit hard running the last few miles uphill, it felt a whole lot worse for the people I was passing.

I kept looking down at the tops of my shoes while I ran. Looking at the ground from that perspective, made it appear more level ground than it actually was.

I started my faster pace just after passing the mile 6 marker. By then, my ankles were feeling great and I was pain free.

Oh wait! I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me start at the beginning.

It was a gorgeous day. Absolutely beautiful. Although the temps soared into the low 100s by the time the day was through, at the beginning of the race the temperature was probably in the low 60s and just perfect for running.

I had so many mixed feelings before starting the race. Felt so unsure of myself. After training for this race, using the one minute run/one minute walk method, I worried I wouldn't run as fast as my last Half. I worried I didn't have the stamina to run for any long length of time.

Finally I just let it all go. I had to. I decided it was going to be my FUN RUN.

And it was a fun run.

Just not at the beginning.

The first three miles, my ankles killed me. Both were so painful, all I wanted to do was to cut them both off and throw them to the curb. But, instead, I kept pushing through, knowing either the pain would let up or I would have to endure ten more miles of a painful run.

I'm so glad I pushed myself and ran a slower but even pace at the beginning because by mile 6, I saw a few downhills and I was ready to take advantage of them and kept a steady faster pace the rest of the race.

I finished my race a minute and a half faster than my last Half. Plus I finished second in my running group, five minutes ahead of the next runners to finish from our pace group. And I felt great! Finished my race, sprinting to the finish and felt good the whole rest of the day!

I finished it at 9:42 on 10-10-10. It was a 10.9 minute pace overall, finishing it in two hours, twelve minutes.

IF: Transportation

2010-10-08T12:08:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I read the book The Littles Take a Trip and totally fell in love with it and in the idea of little people! I imagined there were entire cities all around me that were so tiny that I could not possibly see them with my human-sized eyes!

I would even leave out my matchbox cars and hot wheels for them at night ... just incase....

This transportation scene I designed for Michael Miller Fabrics is called Tot Town.

Trail Running

2010-10-07T20:44:00.000-07:00

Trail running is a blast!
Sometimes you run all the way and sometimes you fall!

I've been running up at Annadel State Park a couple times a week lately. It's gorgeous up there. I can't believe this beautiful place is so close to my home and yet I only experienced it for the first time less than a year ago. It's so incredible running past deer, cyotes, wild turkeys, jack rabbits... I even saw a baby mountain lion along my path. (Not anxious to see another anytime soon).

I have lately introduced a few running friends to this beautiful place and it's so much fun waking up early on Saturday mornings and running with them up in the hills by 7 am.

It's getting darker in the evenings and our evening runs after work are limited.

My sister Kelly and I ran last week and the sun went down before we got off the hill. Squinting into the blackness, I slipped and fell backwards against the steep hill and within thirty seconds, i had a hematoma the size of a ping-pong ball.

I went to the doctor a couple days later to make sure it wasn't fractured because someone suggested it looked like a fractured elbow. But luckily for me, the doctor said it was just a bad bruise.

So here it is Thursday night and my half-marathon race is on Sunday morning.

I have really been feeling nervous about it this past month.

Fumbling around with all these fidgety thoughts: "I'm gonna be so slow..." and "why didn't I run more these last couple of months!?!?"

But tonight my thoughts have turned the tide. And now I'm feeling happy thoughts of excitement! And I'm just gonna run and not really worry what happens. I'm just gonna get out there and have a blast! Because, truly, that is why I started to run in the first place.

To have fun!

Early Sunday morning, I will awake and lather the few trouble toes on my left foot in vaseline, put on my latest favorite running shirt and eat my banana and peanut butter toast (or two) and run like the runner I see myself in my dreams.

I'm thinking only positive thoughts for now on out.

"I can do it! I am going to run strong. I am going to have a great race day!"

Oh, thank heavens for my imagination. My optimism. And the way I love to play pretend.

It truly does ...and will... carry me onto victory.

15.39 morning run in San Francisco

2010-09-28T20:57:00.000-07:00

I learned a few things on this run.

I had a banana for breakfast at around 5:30 before I drove downtown to meet my running buddies to carpool down to Sausalito.

We began our run at 7:30 at the beginning of the Golden Gate Bridge and to be honest with you, the banana wasn't all that filling.

By the time we reached the Ferry Building, we were nearing the 8 mile mark. We turned around to head back and I started to feel pain in my hips. Not badly, but enough for me to hobble. I decided this was a good time to chew my single Clif Shot Blok.

I accidently brought the wrong lid to my water bottle so I was waterless until one of the kind-hearted runners in the group offered me a 12-oz water bottle. I was terrified of drinking it all early in my run, so I didn't drink a sip until Mile 9. And I even left half the bottle filled with water just in case I needed it toward the end of the run.

This might have been another mistake.

Please do not run a 15-1/2 mile run only eating a banana and one clif shot blok and waiting to sip water until Mile 9. Because if you're a lot like me, and you probably are.... it'll hurt by the time you reach Mile 11.

But.. it was FUN!

I kept promising myself, "I can do this! I can do this! I can do this!" And I did.

But to be honest, I felt as though I hit a wall around mile 8-9... and then another wall just before the Golden Gate Bridge on the return trip back.

But it didn't stop me. I kept on running. And it felt GREAT to finish.

The following day I still felt great. But I can't help but wonder what would I have felt if I hadda better breakfast and had more water and more gels?

Only two more weeks for the race and now it's time to experiment!!!

The first step is the most difficult

2010-09-27T23:22:00.000-07:00

You really can do all what you want to do. Simply by getting out there and start doing it. It's not the distance.... it's the first step that is truly the most difficult.

This video is not just about running. If you want that college degree or simply want to tackle those weeds in your back yard, I hope you consider putting on your shoes and getting out there. Once you do, you'll feel your spirit soar.

Sleep on it

2010-09-25T22:33:00.000-07:00

Sleep is such a fascinating concept.

It's the process of shutting down our bodies for a time in order to keep forging ahead. To completely leave yourself wide open to danger and bodily harm. To close your eyes and go to a whole other realm.

I think of that a lot when I am traveling, especially. Watching one sleep on the bus and on planes and at the airport. Drooling mouths opened wide, sleeping in chairs and stretched out on the floor at their gate waiting for their next flight. It feels so vulnerable.

While sleeping on the beach a couple of weeks ago, the murmur of voices lulled me to sleep. Upon waking, I was surprised to find so many people around me had packed up and left while I slept. They packed up their coolers and closed down their umbrellas while I laid there in a different dimension. And it IS another dimension. It really is a whole other realm of being.

We dream in this state. It's where we ponder and wonder and figure things out.

We go to sleep with questions and we wake up with answers.

We sleep on it... to renew and relive and revive.

It is warm out tonight. I can hear the neighbor's chatting it up in their backyard with their friends and family. Gales of laughter. Lots of conversation. Clinking glasses. I imagine their faces glowing from the candle light and the twinkling lights they have set up. I want to be outside, too. I want to sit out under the stars of my backyard and listen to the crickets and enjoy this beautiful warm evening as well.

But it is nearly 10:30 and I will be waking up at 5:00 to run 14 miles in beautiful San Francisco. I'll start at the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge early tomorrow morning and finishing there as well. It's going to be a great morning!

So it is off to bed I go.

I will dream of running. I always do before a long run. I sleep on it... so to speak. And, it helps me on my actual run. I really believe it helps.

Good night.

I ran 15 miles-- huge milestone for me

2010-09-12T21:37:00.000-07:00

I ran 15 miles today. FIFTEEN! By far, the longest run I have ever ran.

By the 12th mile, I started to hurt. I tend to waddle by that length of time.... moving left and right as i run forward. I wasn't planning on running 15. Only 12.

(ha! O N L Y twelve).

But. Heidi called me last night just before i was headed for bed and said, "ya wanna run 17 miles tomorrow?"

"Seventeeeeeeen!?!??!"

She asked me while I was in North Carolina last week if I would be her running partner to train for a full marathon. I didn't think much about it and said, "yeah, sure! maybe!" But... more than a week later and nothing had progressed, I started not to take that offer seriously. And I actually started to feel relieved.

I only ran five miles while on vacation. The week before I think I ran maybe seven miles between two separate runs. The week before that, maybe only four. I have been negligent and it shows in my speed and how it feels in my body while running.

But this morning I ran.

We ran from downtown Sebastopol to Graton and back.... but we also ran around downtown first.

We planned on running seventeen miles, and it could have happened if not for us noticeably slowing down our run in this neighborhood as we soaked in all this wonderful metal sculptures in every single yard!

It's incredible.

We laughed. We sighed.
We imagined ourselves making these. We took in deep breaths.
We stared. We marveled.
We longed. We wished. We loved.

The street is called Florence Street in downtown Sebastopol, CA.

Hardly not my best run. But by the time I made the finish stretch, it felt good that i had accomplished this milestone.

I now need to work on my speed.

The race is less than a month away and now my game is on.

vacation

2010-09-07T19:21:00.000-07:00

I am back from vacation.

Again? some are asking. I have traveled quite a bit during the past four to five months. Some are just two or three night getaways.

But I need them. Anyone who scoffs and says to me, I am too busy to take time off... I seriously see them as someone who is on the verge of a burnout.

Getaways are essential. They don't have to be expensive. But I'm not so sure about these stay-cations people are talking about. Oh sure! They are excellent for cleaning out the garage and working in the yard and catching up on all those things on your To-Do List, but they don't slow down the mind.

And that is essential for the mind and spirit to have that recharge time.

And you know, you can even visit a friend over the weekend. When you are not home, your mind isn't busy planning or worrying about all the things that need to be done. You are in the moment and not thinking about paying the bills, watering the lawn, buying groceries.

When you are away, you are merely in the moment.

And if you're a lot like me, (and i think you are)... then you're all for calming the mind, rejuvenating your spirit and inspiring your soul.

If you haven't gone anywhere in some time, it's time to go somewhere.

Do it now.

You deserve that.

Upcoming Hurricane Earl (and flies on the butter)

2010-09-01T20:10:00.000-07:00

Granddaddy's Home

I am in historic Swansboro, North Carolina.

It's a town I have visited often.

My granddaddy lived here for many years. And my relatives still own a home here, so happily for me, I still can visit often.

I love this town!

I am on vacation here for a week, waking up early and spending most of my time on Emerald Isle collecting beautiful sea shells while gazing out over the emerald green gentle warm waves.

Though this morning, I woke up extra early and ran. I was surprised how hot it was so early. No wind. Just very hot "heater" air. It sucked me in as I ran. Wondered if it was because of this hurricane that is 100 miles up from the coast. Is this the calm before the storm? I figured that was probably it.

So I shrugged it off and ran. I ran and I ran.

Sweat dripped and poured down my fingers... as I ran nearly five miles before giving up. The town is so small, .... i kept duplicating my route. I slowed down and walked through the old graveyard as I caught my breath. And while i ran past the cats sleeping on the pavement next to Yana's... i couldn't help feeling hungry, smelling the lingering delicious bacon smells.

Yana's

So many people in this tiny town were sitting on their porches sipping on coffee. Their hair still shaped from their pillow. I waved to them, "Good Morning!" .... Sometimes twice and three times over.

I was about to quit running, when Wyonna's song, "Flies on the Butter" song came on over my earphones so I decided to run the town once more while the song played out... running slowly past Granddaddy's home.... missing him in a big way:

Old tin roof, leaves in the gutter
A hole in the screen door big as your fist, and flies on the butter
Mamaw baking sugar cookies, we were watching cartoons
Heard her holler from the kitchen which one of you youngin's wants to lick the spoon?
Yellow jackets on the watermelon, honeysuckle in the air
Daddy turning on the sprinkler, us kids running through it in our underwear
Old dog napping on the front porch, his ear just a-twitching
Fell asleep on Granddaddy's lap to the sound of his pocket watch ticking

Oh, oh, oh - Oh, oh, oh
It doesn't seem like it was all that long ago
Oh, oh, oh - Oh, oh, oh
You can dream about it every now and then
But you can't go home again

-------

Tonight we are under a hurricane warning. Hurricane Earl.

It's calm right now. But the storm is supposed to hit tomorrow.

I'm a California girl.

I have no idea what this all means, but I've watched Big Brother and it seems they can live on (slop) PB&J sandwiches all week so I guess I'm set.

I'll keep you posted...

(This is the areal view of Swansboro below, so you can see how close we are to the water):

And here was my running route... (nearly the same route as the ariel view)

Having doubts running 1:1 intervals

2010-08-21T16:53:00.000-07:00

I went running this morning with a few other women from my running group up at Annadel.

It was fantastic!

The fog was lifting above the lake .... and it felt magical! It was just under five miles but it was indeed the best run I've had in a long time.

And as we were standing by our cars parked down at the bottom of the hill, Kathy lifted her hands up and shouted, "Wow! I feel like a runner!"

This woman is one of the top runners in our group. She was a top placer in her age group in our last half marathon race... and yet, she didn't even feel like a runner.

Lately, none of us have felt like runners.

The group I ran with this morning are currently in training for another half marathon but this time, we are doing something completely different.

We are all running one minute intervals with a one minute walk break in between.

This is a specific plan designed to build our endurance and to better our times by running faster at our next half-marathon. And not only that, but he promises we will be sprinting at the finish line because we will feel so good.

Who doesn't want that!?!?!?

Unfortunately, we are all feeling frustrated with the results.

We are worried we are moving backwards and not moving forward. Many long-time runners in my group fear they are losing their ability to run any further than a minute without needing a walk break, as they have conditioned their bodies and mind to only run one minute at a time.

That's unsettling.

But this morning's run reminded me of the joy I felt last winter running with my trail running group. Each Sunday, I would come home from a training run after running further each week than the previous week and feeling so giddy with excitement over my accomplishment.

It was empowering, knowing our physical limits exist, but are far beyond our psychological ones.

Last Sunday we ran 10-1/2 miles. (1:1 minute intervals and attempting to run two minutes slower than our normal pace which is difficult and so far I have not been able to accomplish that goal).

According to to the handbook, when we are done running, we should feel great and feel as though we can run even further.

And that's true. We can run further.

But we don't push ourselves.

Instead, we collect our keys and get into our cars and drive home and in a quiet way, wondering if we really will break our best speed at this next race with the slow pace we are going.

I am open to new experiences. I am always desiring to learn and improve. But there's this dull sense of dread of not really believing in this particular system.

I'm worried. Can I really improve my speed at this next race by using this method? Is this method only for beginners?

We won't know until we know.

In the meantime, I'm going to set aside for additional running beyond the 1 minute intervals and hope that doesn't mess things up.

The race is on 10-10-10 ..... which actually can turn out to be a very magical day indeed.

I'll keep you informed.

My Birthday

2010-07-28T19:23:00.000-07:00

I celebrated my birthday this month so it's been extra busy.

And, in fact, it is one of the reasons why I haven't posted.

This month has been packed full.

I ran in the oldest 10k run in California. I've been volunteering as a pace coach for the Jeff Galloway Training Group. I have spent nearly every weekend going to or having barbecues with friends and family. I went on vacation. I was tour guide to out-of-state friends. And have been busy doing what I love best: Illustrating and designing all kinds of fun, cool stuff!!

But the biggest thing that I experienced this month was my birthday.

It's a milestone and thought-provoking to say the least.....

Ya wanna hear about it? Well then, you must come back and visit.

Be back in August...

A Joke

2010-06-24T17:27:00.000-07:00

So ya wanna hear a joke?

What did Zero say to Eight?

"Nice belt."

hahahaha

Then....

What did Zero say to Eighty-Eight?

"Where are you guys getting these things?"

Leaving it all behind me

2010-06-20T20:53:00.000-07:00

This has been such a lovely weekend.

I ran a short 4-mile trail this morning and as I was running along the winding pathways, I felt the weight of the week slowly peeling off me. I mentally released it to the wind... whispering, "be gone. go away!" And by the end of the 4th mile, I was sprinting toward my car.

I have been weighted down by fear lately.

All the what-ifs in my life started to invade my thoughts and i started to feel paralyzed by what could happen if my fears came to be and how would I weather the adversities?

I'm usually a positive person. I always hang out on the sappy side of optimism wearing my rose-colored glasses.

So I've been quite taken back by my reactions and the burdensome thought-processes that have taken place in recent months over personal circumstances that have began to instill fear in me.

Fear that I can't live the life the way I want to live it.

I came so close to throwing my hands up and saying, "okay. I lose!"

And then I had this Ah-Ha! moment.

You know how it is when you can visualize yourself eating a lemon? (go ahead and pretend with me ... I'll sit here and wait while you imagine yourself taking a large bite out of a sour lemon.... ). Go ahead. Imagine it. Pretend to yourself that you are biting deep into a lemon.

Did you notice your adrenal glands just tighten up? Because your body didn't know any different. It believed you when you pretended to bite into a lemon...

Whatever we put in our mind, our body reacts to it.

I started running about a year ago. And before I joined a running group, I didn't think I could run the length of a football field. And I couldn't! My body believed my thoughts!!

But while in the running group, I ran much further than a footfall field... because I experienced those around me doing it and somehow my mind was able to convince my body I could run it as well.

And I did... eventually running two 10ks and two half-marathons... and I have another 10k planned July 4th that I will run all within a one year calendar from the day I started to run.

Whether positive or negative, every word you and I speak and every thought we think is creating our life. It's also forging our future. Our thoughts are putting our future into motion.

While running along the lake this morning, I asked myself what I was really worrying about... and, then, i asked myself, would i like for this worrisome thought to actually take place and make my life its reality?

And the answer was a defiant NoOoOoOOoOo!

So I took all those negative, fearful thoughts that have been weighing me down and I left them alongside the trail as I ran on ahead without them. And it really feels great.

I really do feel that weight has been lifted from me.

And for the first time in a long, long time, I feel optimistic toward my future and look forward to a great day tomorrow.

I am wishing the same good wonderful stuff for you, too.

And then hope poured out

2010-06-12T14:33:00.000-07:00

I came thisclose.

It’s the worst when you allow yourself to get excited.

Did you hear my exciting news... i would sometimes casually mention during a quiet lull in a conversation I had among friends. I kept it mostly secret for a week or two, but as the final day approached for it to become a done deal... I started to whisper the news more confidently.

Wow! This is really gonna happen! And I began to daydream of the possibilities and imagining how my life could be different based around this one contract.

But then it didn't happen. She had second thoughts about me being the perfect choice for her and by the way, thank you for all the time you invested in me, and have a great day!

And when that so-called promise keeper took my bag of dreams and blasted cold water into it, what else could i have done ... but to stand there firmly, holding my head high, and clutching with both hands onto what was left of this dream I was still holding.

When you reach that sort of disappointment, you kinda get all quiet and feel a little dead inside... like everything just turned dull and muted. The world continues on, but for a moment, all is made silent around you or turned and lulled into slow motion.

Potential freelance work sucks a lot of energy out of one self and if my life wasn't dependent on that extra income, I would be more than happy to kiss it goodbye for ever.

But when you have no other option, you just keep putting yourself out there.

And, you know what? We can’t have anything really great unless we put ourselves out there again and again. Taking risks that leave us standing there only holding onto a wet useless scrap of paper can actually open up a different door for us. It can make us turn our head in a different direction, revealing new things about ourselves.

Rejection forces us to confront ourselves in a whole different way, and it gives us a chance to focus on something bigger and better. The whole point in all of it? To grow, to learn, to get more enjoyment out of who we are ... and out of life and love.

Oh yeah. And so we remember to use sturdier containers to carry our hopes and dreams in.

Paper bags are really only good for recycling.

Half-Marathon in the Wine Country

2010-05-27T20:15:00.000-07:00

i was sick for the half marathon.

... but i ran anyway. And it was amazing!

We wore chips on our shoes, and I was the only one wearing it backwards. I worried. "Will this still work?" I pointed down at the top of my shoe.

I asked nearly everybody. And everyone reassured me it would, since it's a chip... but i only half- believed them, because otherwise why did everyone but me have their chip facing away from them and mine was facing me, if it indeed didn't matter?

I was feeling low energy and didn't feel that adrenaline that usually hits me just before a race and I sorta prepared myself by shrugging the whole thing off, "well, if the chip doesn't work, it doesn't work... I'll know how long it took me to run it and that's all that really matters...."

But that wasn't the only thing that I was worried about. I was sick with a nasty chest cold. The chills-feeling fever, shortness of breath, wheezing, coughing up mucus, kind of cold. I swallowed a cough suppressant over-the-counter medicine 10 minutes before the race to help curb my cough and then the gun sounded.

"Here goes...." I whispered to myself and I took a deep breath, turned on my music, and off I went...... slowly at first, weaving in and around the slower runners ahead of me and as soon as I found an opening, I found myself running a good solid pace. Seven miles later, I was still running the same solid pace. Look at mee! I sang to myself. "Looook at meeeee! i'm running strong!"

It was by far my best race yet. I was amazed at my stamina. I ran past Mile 8 and I was running just as solid as I did when I first began. By Mile 10, I began to feel it in my legs... my I.T. Band started acting up again. I worried it would affect my running like it did during the Annadel Half Marathon up in the higher elevations. It did somewhat, but it didn't drastically affect my running.

The route was beautiful. Up and down small winding wine country roads. The weather was perfect and I felt terrific!

I loved that I didn't let anything stand in my way. I pushed past my fears of "should I run or should I not run?" because I knew my body would tell me what I could and could not do.

All I knew what I needed to do, was to lean down, lace up my shoes, and hit the pavement running... and then open myself up to the possibilities my body could or could not do.

I finished my race in 2 hours, 13 minutes.

Race Day is tomorrow

2010-05-22T10:39:00.000-07:00

Race Day is tomorrow. And I am sick.

I've been sick for nearly a week now. Pounding headache. Fever. Aching body. Lost voice and a coughing so intense, so deep, I need to hold onto my ribs to soften the pain I feel each time I cough.

I haven't ran for a week. I've barely moved my feet. I look like the older folks you see shuffling down the street all wrapped up and shivering in the cold.

But yesterday morning, I woke up and felt a shift in my body. Was it my hopeful imagination?

Did I really feel improvement?

Today I have a worse cough, but no longer feel achy and the fever has been gone for two days now. Though I slept for more than twelve hours last night, I feel my energy returning.

It is no longer my imagination.

I'm going to go out there early tomorrow morning and run that race. My goal is to simply finish the Half Marathon. My other goal is not to get sicker after I finish the race... but to feel better and more empowered.

HA! Well, that is something only time will tell.

You know the saying, what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger... so I'm putting my trust into the alternative....

Running across the Golden Gate Bridge and along the Embarcadero in San Francisco

2010-05-14T19:50:00.000-07:00

This video says it all. It was amazing!

I was born in San Francisco and have spent a lot of time in this lovely City, but there were places I ran that I had never experienced before.

I had to hack off 13 minutes of this video but it will still give you a good sense of our 12-mile practice run.

We started off a the north end of the Golden Gate Bridge in the pouring rain and ran across the bridge and circled around to the bottom of the hill along the Golden Gate Promenade and ran to Ft. Point, stopping momentarily to touch the wall, and then back along the Promenade to Crissy Field while we got caught in the middle of a race... and then ran along Marina Blvd, past the Safeway toward Fort Mason, up to Prospect Park and down along the waterfront toward Fisherman's Wharf ... past the boat house and Aquatic Park and we turned around at the Hyde Street Pier (corner of Hyde and Jefferson, kitty-corner from the Cannery Building). The cable car turnaround/Buena Vista Cafe/Ghirardeli Square are all a tantalizing block up on the hill on Beach Street.

We then turned around and headed back the same way we had come.

It felt a lot like we were on the tv show: the amazing race.

I am so grateful for this wonderful experience. It was so fun, I barely noticed I was running. The plus side of running in such a beautiful place.

Running in the Wine Country

2010-05-05T21:39:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday, I ran 11-1/2 miles in the Wine Country.

After experiencing a long week of feeling lousy about myself... for feeling weak and lame and wanting to throw in the towel ... I watched another episode of The Biggest Loser on TV and I was so inspired watching these folks fight through their physical and mental barriers, I decided i needed to do that, too.

If they can do that, then by golly, I can do that!

I woke up extra early on Sunday morning, nervous and excited and thought this: "If I can run this, then I can run the half-marathon!.."

It was a gorgeous morning outside and it was so breath-taking (in more ways than one!) to run through such beautiful scenery!

I started off running at a slower pace, reminding myself that it's just a practice run and if my ham strings act up on me, I can walk as much as I need to ... but within the first mile, I had passed everyone but a couple of runners who started off at the front of the pack and i never saw them. Ever! Even on long stretches of roads, but that was okay, as I had forgotten they were even ahead of me.

As far as I knew, I was leading the group and I felt strong. I felt empowered! And that felt GOOOD!

I finished the training run in 2 hours and 5 minutes and burned nearly 1200 calories. I pushed myself a little, but not like I was racing. Just enough to help me over my previous hump. I finished without even breathing deeply.

I live in such a beautiful area. I kept looking up and seeing my surroundings of the rolling hills and the vineyards and the beauty of it all kept pushing me to keep on running.

I just signed up for the Half-Marathon to take place on May 22nd. I haven't trained like I should, (there were some weeks I only ran one day) but I guess there's no better time than the present. (And I think I'm better trained than I had previously believed).

This coming Sunday morning we're running over the Golden Gate Bridge into San Francisco along the Embarcadero and back across the bridge. I'm really looking forward to it. I plan to videotape my experience and will post it early next week.

(coach marc's bike)

Hey, by the way: Here's the route I ran! Impressive, huh? :O)

Running against the obstacles

2010-04-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

So I ran.

And I ran and I ran... but I felt sore and lethargic and felt my calves were gonna explode. I kept up with the group for the first couple of miles and then I started to lose my pace... and the distance between us started to shift farther apart.

And when I finally finished the near 9 mile run, instead of feeling happy, I felt sorta defeated. I didn't wanna be last in my running group.

And I was last.

And maybe if my knee wasn't sore, and my hamstrings weren't giving me any trouble and my ankle felt strong... I would have done better. And certainly if I ran more during the week, without question, I could have enjoyed a greater run.

I certainly don't run nearly as much as I did this past winter. Some weeks I just run one day. And never more than twice a week. My running buddies are now running while I'm at work. And running alone isn't as fun so I'm running less frequent, and in turn, each run I feel the struggle of it more and more.

Basically, I started to give up in my head. And you can't have that when you are running.

Sorry for the defeated post, but I am guessing we all feel this way at some point. I feel sad and depressed and overcome.

Wishing for better days. And they will come. They do, ya know, and they will.

(By the way... the video I took while running is under a minute and if you watch it, you can see how beautiful it was out there!)

I am so happy I experienced running in such a breathtaking, beautiful place amongst ferns, wild flowers, flowing rivers and eventually the Pacific Ocean.

Tomorrow I'll run again and see where it takes me. Because I know in my heart, it all begins with that first step and a new mind set.

I ran in a rain storm if that counts!

2010-04-11T20:10:00.000-07:00

So i ran this morning. In the chilly rain and mud and wind.

I had all sorts of weird dreams while I slept last night. I dreamt I met Helen Keller on my run. She was doing so well. Or perhaps, I was not doing so well... and that is why we were running together. When she introduced herself to me, I was impressed to meet her and told her she was a house-hold name, but I didn't realize in my dream she was the one who was both blind and deaf. In my dream, i thought she was an awesome runner!

In another dream, I was driving in a flood and my car spun out of control and I was late for the run and as hard as I tried to make it to the start-off gun, I was too late.

Race runs always make me nervous. I spend a lot of time worrying about it as I sleep. But I slept good in between my sleep. I slept in clean sheets and each time I tossed and turned and rolled over, I thought to myself, "awwww, this is so comfortable..."

It was raining hard when we started out this race. And it was cooler than the weather said it would be. I don't know how cold it was when we started the race, but when I was done running, it had only reached to 42 degrees.

I was excited to run with Heidi and Angie, but because the trails were so thin, they put us on staggered start times... depending on age. We are such fierce rule followers, I am older than both and started five minutes ahead of them.

(Looking back, I could kick myself. What was I thinking!? I shoulda just blew my age off and started running with their age group!!)

I don't know where my head was, but I continued running alone the entire seven miles. And that was sooo not what I wanted to do!!! My dream and desire was to run with them, because ever since our half-marathon run back in early February, I've been running mostly alone and to be honest, I haven't been enjoying it so much. Running hasn't been as fun! I missed my running buddies!!

The race went okay. During the worst stretches, my calves were sooo tight, i thought they were about to burst. i was reduced to a shuffle, stumbling over one rock after another, running up hill. i prayed for some downhills for they would call into action muscles that were fresh, ones that didn't hurt so badly. Meanwhile, I kept looking over my shoulder, looking for Heidi and Angie.

To no avail.

By the time I reached the 7th mile, I sprinted to the finish line. And then I stood there, shivering, and getting drenched in a downpour waiting for Angie and Heidi to reach me. Seven minutes later they were there and we were discussing whether or not we wanted to run back the seven miles we had just ran.

The truth is. I could have run it. And I should have run it. But it was that seven minutes standing there under a terrential downpour, i started to feel myself feeling stiff and cold.. and when Angie said, "Naww... this is good, I'm gonna head home for a hot shower.." .. i hafta say the hot shower felt inviting to me as well and I was set to head there, too.

So I looked at Heidi and told her I was quitting... and she nodded at me and as she turned around and started running back the same course all by herself, I immediately felt bad for my decision and wanted soo badly to catch up and run alongside her.

But I didn't.

I didn't!

I just stood here shivering in the cold... and knew I had made up my choice. To play it safe. Not to risk any further injury.

But you know what? I could have run the 14 miles.

So I sit here and I feel like I sorta let myself down as I know I could have done it! And I should have done it, but I didn't do it.

So... I'm quiet all day....... reassuring myself that it's all okay.

Running is a funny thing. It IS competitive. And it IS fierce.
And some days ya feel powerful and on some days you're basically a whimp.

But I learned something today. If I don't ever wanna feel that heaviness I feel in my gut today, I will push myself forward. And I will.

One step at a time.

14-mile race tomorrow in the rain

2010-04-10T12:40:00.000-07:00

Heidi called me this morning.

"Shawn, I know you and Angie might be running the relay team as partners tomorrow but I want to run both legs of the race. Do you guys wanna, too?"

To be honest, I had given up the idea of running in this race. I didn't get a confirmation back from Angie that she would run the race with me, and besides, the weather forecast calls for a cold steady rain all day. So I gave it up in my mind. Didn't want to run seven miles in the rain. Actually felt relieved I didn't hear back from Angie.

As Heidi and I were starting to feel reluctance in running the full 14 miles and maybe run as a relay team together if Angie bails, Angie called Heidi and said, "Yes!" She was willing to run the entire 14 miles with us.

Then that settled it. Angie, Heidi and I are going to run both legs of the relay race tomorrow.

And, yes, i'm ... nervous!

I know i can do it. But I haven't been running on a consistent basis and I have never run that far before in my life, though it's just a little over a mile further than the half-marathon I ran back in February.

It's up at Annadel State Park and will cover a lot of hills. Muddy hills. But after wading through the icy stream last weekend, I now know not to run around those puddles but to run through them. And, besides that, with all that rain, my shoes will be water-logged anyway.

I better go see if I have any clean running clothes. And I'll drink plenty of water. Tomorrow morning is coming quickly. Wish me luck.

Wading through icy waters

2010-04-04T21:30:00.000-07:00

Early yesterday morning, Kelly, Karen, Angie and I drove up to Hood Mountain to tackle a difficult 10.72 miles up in the hills. Angie and I had never ran there before and we were both eager to experience something new.

What we didn't know then, was what exactly that new experience would be. And, we're both happy we didn't know about it... ahead of time.

And that's walking through frigid icy raging water.... twice!

But, wait. I'm already getting ahead of myself. Let me start from the beginning.

We started our journey in temps in the low 30s and though i didn't see any patches of snow ... I was told there was still snow from a recent cold front. Angie's legs were covered in goosebumps from the chilly, icy air even while still sitting in the car. It was the kind of cold that when you spoke, you could see your breath.

I was secretly worried when I started off. Could I keep up?

Would I further injure my ankle? When you're cold, you feel everything sore on you. My knee where I hurt it back in January when I fell on a rock is still painful. I worried I'd fall again on the same knee.

I know that when I start to worry about falling, those feelings come from some other place. And yesterday morning, I knew that my fear was not about falling but all about failing.

We were all eager to start running to warm up. My feet were so numb, I couldn't feel them as they hit the dirt. Karen pulled off her gloves and showed me her purplish-blue fingers.

Within a mile or so, we all started to warm up and I was feeling good in my run and was curious why Karen and Kelly stopped up ahead when we reached the raging icy cold stream and not run along beside it.

"Let's lock arms as we cross so the current doesn't carry us down the water fall..."

"Whaa? We're walking through that?"

And, before I was able to wrap my mind around the idea of it all, I reached out and held onto Kelly and Angie and Angie reached over and held onto Karen and locking arms, we took our first steps into the frigid raging water. We sunk in deep at times, sometimes catching each other as we slipped a bit over the rocks beneath us, water reaching upwards to our crotches before we made it to the other side.

It was an amazing experience.

Remember when you were a kid and you were about to get a shot, and you were really nervous and about to cry, but the nurse just magically gave you a shot in such a non-emotional way, doing this distraction thing, that you didn't even know you got the shot, until it was actually all over and you were sucking on your sucker?

That's exactly how it was for me.

"This is what we're gonna do. Lock arms and hold hands and move forward carefully against the stream.."

It happened so matter-of-fact and so suddenly. Never ever would I have ever considered walking through a raging stream in my $100 pair of running shoes. But I did! And ya know what? They weren't any wetter than when i ran in the rain last Wednesday night during a short 3 mile-run in a downpour with my running group.

(Welll, okay, maybe yesterday they were indeed a bit more water-logged...)

We climbed back up the slippery slope and we were off again. Slosh-SLOSH-slosh-SLOSH were the sounds of my wet socks inside my shoes. I was surprised (and much relieved) to feel warm and insulated between my wet skin and my running shorts as I ran.

It was mostly all uphill the first half five miles. So steep at times and for such long periods of time, I found myself walking more than running.

I kept repeating to myself, "c'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon.." lifting one foot after the other... feeling like a mule carrying a heavy load... "will this ever get any easier?"
Kelly says it will. She says these tough uphill runs make you strong.

Seeing views from a place where few people have ever crossed is really quite humbling and overwhelming. And I felt good as well. I stayed on track... kept up with the group as best as I could. I wasn't nearly as slow as I had worried I would be.

What seemed to take forever to reach the top of the mountain, the trails back downhill was quick and it took seemingly no time at all! Nearly back to the car, I heard a roaring sound and remembered the rushing stream.

Taking a deep break and locking arms once again, we crossed the frigid waters, a few feet further up from the waterfall than when we crossed earlier that morning. Karen said, "Doesn't the icy water feel good against your pulled ankle?"

And it did!

It was like I was icing it while running. Making the most out of situations.

I woke up this morning and I'm glad I had that experience and yes, I do feel sore.
But... it's a good sore.

Like kelly says, "it only makes you strong..."

The friendship between a dog and an orangutan

2010-04-03T21:09:00.000-07:00

Watch more National Geographic Channel videos on AOL Video

This video shows the friendship between a dog and an orangutan. I hope you watch this and that it touches you to your very core.

Ran ten and a Half Mile Run at Pt Reyes National Seashore

2010-03-28T20:28:00.000-07:00

I woke up extra early and was out of the house by 6:45 to meet my running group to run at Point Reyes National Seashore.

Heidi, Denise, Sue, Brittany and i climbed into the SUV and drove south to Point Reyes... our chatter sometimes silenced by the beauty of the landscape around us. Fog laying low on the earth.. the sun above shining so brightly touched down into the low-lying clouds and looked like fairy dust... it really felt magical!

We ran nearly 10-1/2 miles this morning in Point Reyes National Seashore and it was truly a spectacular run... breezing past the Douglas fir forest and along the rushing Bear Valley Creek. The Bear Valley trail ended here at the end of the california coastline called Arch Rock and so we stopped and took pictures.

It was incredible!!! This part of of our coastline is not anywhere near roads and cars and people. It probably looks much like it did a hundred years ago. The photo below is probably where the name Arch Rock got its name.

I soaked in the beauty and then sat down on the ground and emptied out a small rock out of my left shoe and smoothed out the wrinkle from my sock on my right shoe... and headed back.

Through the ferns, moss-covered trees and forget-me-nots framing our trail.

In two weeks I will run this again. I plan to film this on my Flip. It really truly is an amazing trail.

By the way, this is along the San Andreas Fault. Apparently it's one of the most scariest places to be if you're ever in an earthquake here. So.. it's an obvious great place to run if you wanna quicken your pace ... as I did as I ran toward the car.

During Dinner

2010-03-22T21:46:00.001-07:00

He blows his nose onto his cloth restaurant napkin... digging deeply with his finger into each nostril and then blowing hard, sounding like a fog horn.

I lift up my shoulders in a cower and bend forward and want to tell him, Can you maybe do that after dinner or can you walk away from the dinner table and maybe use a Kleenex instead?

He does one more wipe around his nose and says, So what's a great girl like you still single? Why hasn't a guy captured you up already!

And I want to tell him, Well, I wouldn't be captured by you, because whenever I see you blow your nose at the dinner table, I want to turn my eyes away in fear of dry-heaving.

But. I don't.

Instead I just feel kind of embarrassed about being myself.

And he keeps on digging and blowing his nose and says, That’s so weird that you are single....

And I silently sit there across from him, as I focus on his fingers indenting into the cloth napkin rubbing up against his nose while he blows even harder.

This is why I enjoy trail running

2010-03-10T23:22:00.000-08:00

UltraRunning from Matt Hart on Vimeo.

This video expresses why I enjoy trail running. (And by the way, the beginning of this video shows the beginning of the 100 Western States Race up at Squaw Valley in Lake Tahoe and finishes in Auburn, CA. Kelly has raced it two or three times. Each time I have been there and have crued for her. Waking up and seeing them start out in the early morning in the dark, still makes me cry).

I went running with my sister Kelly tonight after work. I think we ran 7 or 8 miles. It kicked my butt. I felt sore the entire run. My calves felt like they were about to pop. My knees ached. My tendons hurt. My toes cramped. But I just kept moving. Jumping over rocks and roots and mud puddles and it was getting dark and I wondered if we'd run into a mountain lion... because a lot of deer and turkeys were out strolling about and why not the mountain lion? And, I was happy the mountain lion was not out.

In a few days, I'm off to Palm Springs to enjoy the warmth of the sun. Not much running there, so I am happy for the run tonight. I plan to run another Half-Marathon in May.

I need these races to keep me running....

Bravery

2010-03-08T08:12:00.000-08:00

And in that moment... feeling resentment of picking up my next door neighbor's dog poop week after week and throwing it away in my garbage can... I picked up a pile with my gardening shovel and without thinking of the consequences, I flung it as far as I could over her car in the driveway so it would land in her yard. I misjudged my throw as the poop was only as heavy as cotton and it landed instead, on her car rooftop and some of it slid down her windshield and onto her hood.

The noise of the poop hitting her car, however, was not as quiet as cotton. Suddenly, the neighbor walked outside with her dog. She had heard it and was coming out to check the skid marks.

It was a moment of sheer panic and embarrassment and I knew I had two options. To either drop and roll out of sight .... or be brave and fess up to the mess.

I decided to side on bravery (and do the right mature thing) and started to rush toward her when she and her dog turned and walked on down the street oblivious to me or the brown smears down her car window.

i stood there, breathless with my heart beating out of my skin and realized that I had just experienced a miracle.

I whispered, thank-you-god, thank-you-god, thank-you-god while I cleaned up the mess on her car in neck-breaking speed.

And then, after observing the lesson I had just learned from my experience, I shoveled up the rest of the poop, and this time walked closer to the edge of her yard before flinging it.

Just as I should have done from the beginning.

Perspective Tea Party Rug

2010-03-02T08:31:00.001-08:00

I was commissioned to draw this tea party scene to be a children's interactive rug. The idea behind this is for the children to have make-believe tea parties with fake plastic food that was packaged with the rug. But... if I were that little girl, I don't think I would have enjoyed eating the plastic food nearly as much as the real thing.

I won! I won!

2010-02-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

As I was leaving my house this morning, I glanced over at my house and noticed a small box sitting on my porch. I screeched to a halt and ran up to the porch to grab this lovely surprise.

Guess what it was?

Business cards!!!

I didn't win the lottery, but it sure felt like I did when I won 250 free business cards from Uprinting who were sponsoring a giveaway on Val's art blog!

I couldn't resist this giveaway. I've always wanted to have my own business card to drop into the bowl at restaurants for a free lunch giveaway and now I can!

I'm really happy with these. Now i'm thinkin' of using their site to get one of my art pieces printed on canvas! Hmmm... oh the ideas are limitless...

Thanks Val so much! i LOVE my cards!

Dreaming to Win

2010-02-18T22:10:00.000-08:00

Driving home from work this evening I was worrying about my finances, and stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things and on my way out, I passed the California Lottery machine and spontaneously put a dollar in to play.

And afterwards, while driving home I was so lost in the dream of what it would be like if actually did win ... that when I got home, and pulled up into the garage ... I still sat in my car for the longest time... feeling giddy, still caught up in the moment envisioning my life as if I had just won!

Its amazing what the imagination can do. In that moment, I was able to shift my feelings of anxiousness to feeling calm and joyful because of where I was inside my head.

Obviously the chances of winning are slim to none, but a dollar really is worth the dream.

My First Half Marathon: 13.1 miles and covered 1643 vertical feet!

2010-02-11T21:58:00.000-08:00

My cramping toes on both feet spread out in every direction ... lookin' like scared petals on a daisy.

Those toes were angry with me and I understood why. I had just put them through the ringer. But it was all worth it: I had just completed my very first half-marathon. And it wasn't like any other half-marathon. This race was 13.1 miles and covered more than 1643 total vertical feet of climb and descent behind me.

It was 38 degrees out when the gun went off at 8:00 Sunday morning.

I had such adrenalin rushing through me, I just took off ... lost in the heap of the runners running at a quicker pace than I was used to. I didn't see Angie or Heidi or Heather anywhere near me. I was ahead of them... and that began my focus to keep it that way.

I know you're not supposed to start the race that way.

You're suppose to start it off slower, so you have some energy in reserve to finish the race with. But i didn't recognize my pace well enough to know if I was running faster except for not seeing any of the girls around me. So I threw caution to the wind and just ran. One foot after the other.

The first mile was along a wide gravel road and then we turned onto Canyon trail and began the next four miles of climbing that took us from just over 200 ft above sea level to around 1400 feet above sea level. Running up to that level was made more difficult by all the rocks sticking up and we had to snake our way around the various boulders and puddles... the lyrics to the songs playing in my ears were fun and made it more personal....

Justin Timberlake singing ... "... so you pass to the left, then you sail to the right..." and Beyonce singing.. "To the left.. to the left.. to the left.. to the left.... " as I kept maneuvering around the trails, passing some, others passing me... darting left and right, jumping over rocks and puddles... and then I started to feel rundown and worried my english muffin and banana I had for breakfast wasn't enough for this run, so i grabbed a strawberry clif shot block from my pouch.

It was soooo sweet. It was tooo sweet.

It just sat there dissolving on my tongue and the thick syrupy juice was gliding down around the sides of my teeth and I didn't want to swallow it. I started to feel nauseous and started to dry-heave. That lasted for about 4 miles.

Heather caught up to me just before the second Aid Station and we started running together. We asked how each of us were doing. I told her I felt like I was gonna throw up. She picked up her pace and I never saw her again.

A few minutes later, I saw my sister at the second Aid Station where she was volunteering and she snapped my picture. "GO Shawn GO!!" she shouted. "You're doing great!!!!"

She turned to the others at the Aid Station and pointed at me, "That's my sister!" They waved and cheered me on and I saw my neice Chelsea there, too! Their encouragement gave me so much more energy and off I ran right into this large puddle.

It's not surprising they call this Marsh trail. Running with wet feet... water sloshing around your toes... for 10 miles or more is really an experience. But there was no way getting around it, so i just had to acknowledge it and continue running.

The sisters-in-laws were still behind me. I started to worry I couldn't keep up this pace. But I tried. I really did. I figured I'll hurt for a day or two... but i'll give it my best shot.

I was struggling when I turned onto Ridge trail and was considering walking up the next 20 yards, but I was greeted by a few adults and their children ringing cowbells and carrying signs saying, "WAY TO GO!" and "YOU CAN DO IT!"

It was a perfect place for them to be. And, I'm quite sure it wasn't by accident. I waved to them and thanked them.. and I picked up my pace as I grappled my way around these large deep ditches that looked like muddy river beds. The boulders were large and I tried to climb above, only to slip and fall back into this heavy deep slushy muck of mud. The mud was so intense, some lost their shoes in it. It was crazy. Each time I would step down into the mud, i felt it grip me back and not want to let me go.

It was somewhere amidst all that winding quick sand that Heidi saw me ahead of her and she zeroed in and I became the target to beat. And she did. Right there around Mile 8 or 9.

"No problem," i thought to myself. "I'll catch her going downhill.." But. Something serious happened to me when I finally got to the summit and started to cascade down, I almost felt a snap.

I felt a pain that sprung on me that I had never felt before. I felt like a salamander who had it's leg partially severed off.

I had injured my illiotibial band. And from then on... though I was running downhill, it felt uphill all the way. I didn't feel I could control my right leg.

"ow-OW-ow-OW-ow-OW-ow-OW" i would shout for each step I ran. Then I would change it to "youcandoit.. youcandoit... youcandoit... youcandoit..." then back to "ow-OW-ow-OW-ow-OW-ow". I was running back down that same boulder filled trail again that I started running up 9 miles earlier, only this time I was in pain and my fatigue had dulled my senses and the ability to lift my legs and pass to the left and sail to the right was much more of a struggle.

(this photo was taken around Mile 11... Matt took this and it was so encouraging to see him out there.. I picked up my pace even quicker after this shot was taken and after i saw him)

"ow-OW-ow-OW-ow-OW-ow-OW" ..... "youcandoit.. youcandoit... youcandoit... youcandoit..."

About a mile and a half before the finish, I ran past a parked ambulance and it's emergency team helping one of our female runners who had taken a really bad fall against the rocky fire road. I stopped for a moment, worried it was Heather.

"I'm fine... keep running!" the young woman smiled over her tears flowing down her cheeks. It wasn't Heather. I turned around and kept running. I was near the finish.

When I rounded the bend, I could see the crowd and finish line and started to push myself to run harder. I was in so much pain by then, but seeing the finish line .. the pain began to feel numb.

My mom, lloyd, ann, ed, wally, tyler, kate, guilliana, mark, tony and heidi were there to see me at the finish line. Heidi who finished about 6 minutes ahead of me, ran back toward the finish line with me and it helped pick up my pace.

By the time I crossed the finished line, I had run 13.1 miles and covered 1643 total vertical feet of climb and descent behind me. I came in 11th out of my age group.. but just 222 out of 300 runners.

Angie's knees were hurting her and she followed behind me equally the same distance as I was behind Heidi.

I am not a runner like my sister. But I ran the race. And that's what mattered to me the most. I did it! I accomplished my goal I had set out to do this past Thanksgiving!

We really CAN do whatever we put our minds to doing ... if we want it bad enough.

Thank you for keeping up with my "running entries" these past 12 weeks. And for encouraging me along the way. It meant so much to me. I never ever want to forget how this running experience has felt to me and I hope to do it again real soon.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence

by every experience inwhich you really stop to look fear in the face.

You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

~Eleanor Roosevelt

Week 10: last training run before the race

2010-02-03T23:31:00.000-08:00

Well. This is it. Our last week of training before we run more than 13 miles up in the hills this Sunday.

It's been a fun adventure.

I still can't believe I'm about to run this!

After this photo was taken, Anita and I got lost out there on the trails this past Sunday morning. We missed one of the pink ribbons that directed our way.

Coach Marc believes we were gabbing and missed it. He might be right.

But I think we missed it because over Thanksgiving weekend, we ran the same trail but turned right and ran up the road and I think we were thinking we were running the same trail we ran then. ya know... monkey see, monkey do.

But. It was foggy out there. We might've just didn't see it.

When we arrived at the finish line, we received a round of applause. Most of the group was going out for breakfast after the run but we were close to not having that breakfast as they were just seconds away from going on a search for us. We were really that late!

And now fast-forward to tonight.

I am worried about this Sunday. So I ran alone through my neighborhood after work tonight, setting off motion lights all across my neighborhood. Who needed a flashlight?

I set out to run just 30 minutes and by the time I got home, I had run 34 minutes.

It was easy and it felt good.

I really don't know what i'm doing, but I'm about to embark on a half-marathon this Sunday. They say to "take it easy".. so I am.

Wish me well.

We're all in this life alone

2010-01-30T23:41:00.000-08:00

It was about a week before Christmas, while sitting alone at a funeral of someone I love very much.... when the pastor said it was our opportunity to view this lovely woman in the casket... and I felt my knees buckle.

I felt so entirely alone and wondered how I could muster up the courage to do this uncomfortable feat by myself. I started to shake.

And. As i shook... I realized this:
There are 500 people giving their last respect and goodbyes to this amazing woman and even while standing two inches from someone they knew and loved ... they were still experiencing their very own personal grieving experience alone.

So i managed.

Later, I walked out into the parking lot filled with tears and I looked for her husband. And her daughters. I waited and when it was my turn, I grabbed them and hugged them hard and talked to each of them personally.

And I knew even then, if one other person accompanied me and stood by my side or even an entire family, and we all walked up to these grieving friends of mine together... i knew as I talked to them individually... I would still be talking to them as an individual. I wouldn't be any more brave or feel any less alone if I was standing with a dozen people.

Because..... we all are in this life alone.

This evening I am icing my heel and my ankle and my knee cap as they hurt and I worry about them during my last practice run tomorrow morning before our race next sunday.

Angie and Heidi won't be running our practice run tomorrow as they spending the weekend up at Lake Tahoe with their families.

So... I'm going to run this last practice run alone.
And you know what?

That is life.

We're all in this life alone.

Way back when Oprah ran that marathon.. do you remember people saying things like.. "Well, she had her own personal trainer..." and "she had her own personal chef..."

Well, listen to me. No matter who feeds you or who trains you... it is still YOU out there running that race. Alone. No one else is running for you. It is just you. Running in the dark. Or in the rain. Or when you don't feel good or in pain.

It is all you.

I am happy and feel blessed that I am going out there tomorrow. Against the winter weather and just run. Because it's just that.

I'm running for me.
Alone on those trails.
And in the end.. that matters.

12.6 miles run (whoda ever thought!!)

2010-01-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

12.6 miles later.

Running through deep running streams... stepping down into mucky water up past my ankles... getting completely soaked... and then I start running again, listening to the squish-squish-squish sounds of the water in my socks inside my shoes.

Thank God for Drymax socks.

And I'm not getting paid to say this. They absorbed the moisture in my water-logged shoes ---each time, I stepped into another raging stream or sitting puddles too large to jump across I would hear the squishing for a bit.. and then it would be gone.

Whenever I could.. I would run alongside the paths.. but oftentimes, even that was deceiving and the edges were water-logged as well!

No blisters to note.. and I ran with wet socks and shoes within mile 1 out of my 12.6 mile run. It was a long way to run. This time I hafta admit... it was kinda hard.

I ran over waterfalls. I ran through mud so thick and deep.... it felt as though my shoes were velcroed to the ground. It also felt like I was lifting 5 pound weights off my ankles as I stumbled through it. I ran underneath fallen trees from last week's storm. I climbed over other fallen trees. It was an obstacle course. Many of the moss covered trees looked florescent! It was extraordinarily beautiful! The views were breathtaking.

At one point in the run, a woman ran past me with short dark hair.

I shouted, Karen! recognizing her as one of my sister's running friends.
She turned briefly around to say, No.. I'm Maria....

I shouted, Maria Ronchelli!!

She stopped and spun around to look at me as if in disbelief!

It was fun to see her. We went to elementary school through high school together and now I know she lives in my neighborhood. Small world! I think she graduated in my brother's class.

Are you gonna run in the half-marathon?! I asked her.
I signed up.. .not sure if I'm fit enough for it! ... she responded as she blazed past me.

I shouted.. "You are!" but I don't think she heard me. She was running too fast to hear me.

Two hours and six minutes into my run, my legs feeling the fatigue, I guess I wasn't lifting my feet high enough to carry myself over all the rocks and mini boulders and I tripped and gashed my right kneecap onto a bolder. It bled.

Anita was there behind me and helped me back up. I felt shakey at first... and walked maybe 20 seconds before I started running again.

It wasn't long before Anita would take a tumble as well. This time, she was near high clifts... and was lucky she didn't fall all the way down into the ravine.

It was a crazy run.

Two hours and 31 minutes later.. i arrived to my destination.

Next week I think we're only going to run 7.5 miles... to ease off. And then the following sunday is our half-marathon.

I don't have the same elated, blissful, exhilarated feeling I have felt in other runs, but I'm so grateful I made it through this run.

Another record breaking distance.

And I should be proud.

Afterall.. I've only been running two and a half months.

Getting State Fright

2010-01-22T22:25:00.000-08:00

It has been raining crazy this past couple of weeks. It has rained more in the past 10 days than it has rained in the past three years.

I am worried about the muddy trails up in the hills this coming sunday morning. They turn into flowing rivers as the water uphill starts to flow downward. It's crazy when you're running uphill while the water is rushing downhill.

The trails weren't so bad when this picture was taken, because the rains hadn't really started. The trails hadn't turned into rivers just yet.

I love having Angie and Heidi running this with me. And in this photo, they are literally there sandwiching me in.

Knowing we are all in this together, really helps. And i love our bonding time.

Angie in the middle. We are her sister-in-laws.

This coming Sunday we'll be running 12.6 miles in our practice run for our Half-Marathon race.

I only ran once this week.

It was on Wednesday night, in a very small drizzle... Heidi, Dennis and I ran maybe four-and-a-half miles singing songs.. "can you guess this tune!?" We hadda blast. Singing songs from the 50s to the present.

I felt like were on on a road trip.

I shot the sheriff, but I did not shoot the deputy... and I got a brand new pair of roller skates.. you gotta brand new key...

Running really is fun. It is!

The forecast for Sunday calls for: RAIN.

I know it will be an experience I will never forget. My hope and wish is that we all make it to the finish line in one piece and be ready for the Half Marathon on Feb 7th... just two weeks away. I can't believe how quickly this training has taken place.

And I'm ready. I'll keep you posted. Please come back to visit!

i ran 11 miles this morning

2010-01-17T16:37:00.000-08:00

I am sleepy.

I ran eleven miles this morning.

In the mud. Up and down hills. Over rocks. And roots. Jumping over mud puddles when I could and jumping in them when I couldn't jump them.

At Mile 6... I was soaring. I believed i could run all day long. I am glad that didn't happen.

Eleven miles really was enough.

And it was really a special day.
And I love the newness of it all. Breaking records with myself by running further than I have ever run before. Or even imagined was possible.

When we lived in a small hilly town in Fairfax, my 5-year-old sister Kelly and our 4-year-old-friend, Eric taught me how to run. They both grabbed me by the hand and ran as fast as they could with my tiny little 3-year-old legs carrying me as quickly as Kelly and Eric could pull me. I was scared! But! I was running!

And I have never forgotten that moment.

Six weeks ago, the idea of me running this far was daunting.

But...

Remember how scared you were to take the training wheels off your bike? Or how much courage it took for that first kiss?

Nothing stopped you then.....

Gnomeville

2010-01-14T22:19:00.000-08:00

Here is another one of my fabric designs that was released this month. It's called Gnomeville. I designed two other coordinates to go along with it. This one is a Border Print....

10 miles

2010-01-10T19:49:00.000-08:00

This picture of me was taken around the 7-mile mark....

I tried clocking 10 miles in my car the other night. Driving 65 mph .... it still felt like a long time before i hit the 10-mile mark.

I dreamed of running last night. I always dream of running the night before our Sunday training run. I wonder if my dreams help carry me the following morning. As if I have mapped the course out already in my dreams so it makes my running less effortless when I am actually running it.

At one point during my run this morning, I looked up and in that split second, I had a Deja vu of that same moment already happening.

It does make me curious.

My run this morning covered three parks! Howard, Spring Lake and Annadel and we ran around three lakes: Lake Ralphine, Spring Lake and Lake Ilsanjo, but I had my head down on the trail through most of it and didn't even notice two of the lakes!

While running, I overheard two women behind me talking about fruit and carbs and protein. I listened hard as I don't have a clue on good nutrition. Especially during training runs. I heard one of the women call the other "Wendy" and I instantly recognized the name as one of my sister's friends.

When they were through talking, I introduced myself, while sucking in air, pushing up a long, hard uphill climb. I was happy to hear they were BOTH fans of my sister and they told me how much they admire her. I felt warmed by their kind words and it pushed me to run a little harder.. as they passed me on the uphill.

I ran alone most of the morning until I caught up with Anita and she and I ran the rest of the run in together.

This morning's run had less elevation gain than any of our other training runs so I was able to run it in 1 hour and 47 minutes compared to running nine miles last Sunday in 2 hours and 10 minutes!

But we still had some hills to climb and my calves at one point felt like they were water balloons about to explode! I tried pointing my toes downward as I ran and it seemed to relieve the pain somewhat.

The half-marathon is one month away.

I am still feeling surprised and happy that I was able to run 10 miles today. Each Sunday I am running farther than I did previous runs. It just makes me crazy with giddiness.

It is so rewarding to watch my body change and do things I never dreamed possible.

P.S. My Uncle Jerry passed away this morning on Long Island, New York. RIP. I will miss you and praying for the family.

Two Hours and 10 Minutes

2010-01-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

This brave runner actually ran through the puddles while I skipped and danced around them.

Two hours and 10 minutes is how long it took me to run a little 9 miles.

A couple weeks ago I mentioned something on my post that it took a little over an hour to run 8 miles. That had to have been wrong. Someone told me later they think it took more like an hour and a half.

I believe them.

This morning was tough but I expected much worse. I was nervous all week before running this morning because I was busy between Mid December and New Years with the holidays and traveling and didn't run as often as I had hoped. And never nearly as long as I should have because I was running in unfamiliar places alone with just my ipod playing in my ear.

This morning we started up the Canyon Trail into Annadel Park and then up the gravel grind known as Richardson.... and from there, we ran up even further on a gnarly single track called South Burma.

It had beautiful views from up there. It was really breath-taking, looking down and seeing Santa Rosa swallowed up under the fog. The sun was shining above the clouds and it felt warm on our faces.

Mossy tall trees everywhere. And the air was so silent. All I could hear was the pounding of my shoes and the water slushing back and forth in my water bottle.

And then we reached Buick Meadow and headed down Marsh.

I love running downhill... it's where I can catch my breath. I feel the muscles changing in my legs as I push myself downward ... my shoes suctioning into the mud... and slipping an inch or two each time my feet touched down.

We had been running an hour and 23 minutes and I didn't have a clear sense of how far we had run during that time.

I was running with Angie, my sister-in-law but we had lost Heidi (Angie's sister-in-law) at the beginning and we were both silently worrying about her when Angie offered me a shot-blok and when I turned back to grab it, I caught a glimpse of Heidi bursting out from a fog bank running full speed.

She looked great and she told us she was feeling great despite a few set-backs earlier in the run and she had to keep running or she'd feel pain in her knee... so off she went running right past us.

We ran about a half mile up Canyon Trail again.... and then criss-crossed and ran around the lake in the opposite direction of what we ran earlier and then we carefully descended the rocky, rooted Spring Creek trail. By then my legs were feeling a bit fatiqued... and had to be careful winding my way down.

It felt really good to finish. Angie and I finished at the same time. Heidi arrived two minutes earlier.

And it really was a great run! I was sick with a cold earlier in the week but it didn't detour me.

I feel happy and excited that I ran 9 miles. I never ever dreamed I could.

Next Sunday... we'll be running 10. Only a few more weeks before we run the half-marathon.

I'll be home For Christmas

2009-12-17T19:53:00.000-08:00

So. I'm listening to Christmas Carols and I hear Bing's warm, soothing voice singing: "I'll be home for Christmas... you can count on me."

So that's reassuring. He RSVP'd.

He then says to "please have snow and mistletoe" which sounds a little bit demanding. Especially the snow.

He also wants "presents on the tree."

I think he meant UNDER the tree, but whatever. On the tree.. under the tree.. guess he already figures there will be a tree or he'd be asking for that, too! A flocked one, no doubt, because he's beginning to sound like someone who is difficult to please...

He emphasizes it again... "I'll be home for Christmas..." and "you can count on me"... and it's like, "alright aleady! You'll be here! I'll have the snow and mistle toe and presents here waiting for you..."

Then... he goes into something that doesn't really make sense.. something about ... "Christmas Eve will find me where the lovelight gleams...".

During that moment, I'm sure the person on the other end of the phone is looking for a pen to write down all his wishes...
And wonders why are there a hundred pens in the house but none of them work!

1. pick up mistletoe.
2. Order snow.
3. Buy presents.

He's really coming! We can count on him!

But then... he ends the song with this line and he slows it down and really lets his words linger.... "I'll be home for Christmas... IF .. ONLY .. IN .. MY .. DREAMS..."

What is up with that!? That, my friend is not a true RSVP.

I havva feeling he's holding out for a better offer...

running 8 miles in the rain and fog

2009-12-13T14:23:00.000-08:00

I ran 8 miles yesterday morning and then again this morning. Both nights previous to the runs, I laid in bed and kept hearing the pounding of the rain pouring down outside my window and I felt nervous going out in it to run the trails in a downpour.

What will it be like? I worried.

It was amazing!

Jumping over crawling newts, loose rocks and mud puddles was surprisingly very exhilarating and it kept my mind focused on my safety other than running the distance.

Seeing people emerge in and out of thick fog banks was breath-taking.

Hearing the rain pouring down around me ... yet feeling protected overhead by much of the canopy of trees was comforting.

Running down a steep narrow trail with water rushing down it at the same time was exhilarating.

I fell once.

My toe hit the top edge of a boulder and I went down into a face plant. It happened so suddenly. I was running and then I wasn't. I rolled my tongue around and over my teeth for any chipped edges and I was relieved to find none, so I pulled myself back up and continued running. Funny what adrenalin does.... you don't feel anything, but your heart pounding. And then my legs picked myself back up and I continued on as if nothing had ever happened.

Stunning, beautiful views. Large ferns growing on the sides of the steep cliffs. Fog rising up the hill.

I worried if I fell down the cliff, would i bounce and roll down to the bottom? Or could i break my fall, by grabbing hold of a limb or tall grass. I tried not to think of those scenarios, but once you fall... you realize how easy it is to slip like that. So I moved closer to the upside of the hill as I weaved my way down to the bottom of the mountain.

Such a feat. Such a huge accomplishment for me.
I really feel proud of myself for pushing myself to do this. Because I know only too well.. how easy it would have been both mornings to turn off the alarm and cover my face under the blanket and sleep a couple of hours more...

Always before we run in those early mornings, the coaches give us a pep talk before we begin...

I ran seven miles this morning

2009-12-06T11:16:00.000-08:00

This video is what I filmed from my point of view this morning as I ran. I used my new FLIP camera! We ran as a group up at Annadel State Park in the frigid low 30s. It was fun. And it was hard. But it was so completely worth it! Next week 8 miles! The Half-Marathon will be set up in those hills in January. And that is what we are all training for. I look forward to being able to achieve that goal.

Cat vomit on your sofa

2009-12-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

Some days are like this.

You're feeling happy. The house is clean. You have candles lit. The house is warm. Food in the oven. Friends are coming over. And then the cat vomits on your sofa.

Disappointments always show up unexpectedly.

Home repairs.
Sickness.
Money difficulties.
Disappointments.
And cat vomit.

I think the most importance in all this is how we react to these challenges. My reactions to disappointments today ultimately affects the happiness and quality of my life tomorrow. And then the next day.

Life isn't perfect. But there are perfect moments in this life. Just like the one that's slipping away half-noticed as I finish writing out this sentence. Makes me feel sorta anxious like I ought to be doing something much more significant than typing this post.

So off I go.... have a great day. And seek out those perfect moments.

You can do it and so can i

2009-11-29T19:44:00.000-08:00

it's been an incredible four day weekend. I ran 25 miles this past week. Seems incredible to some. Not so much to others.

But to me, I felt as if I could do annnyyythiiiing!!!!

I was so impressed with meeeee.

I can do it!!

I laughed at times. "Look at meeeee.. i'm still running... six miles later..."

Lahhh-teee-daaaahhh!!! I would sing to myself!!

Six months ago, I was singing a different tune.

"No way".

I could run maybe a block.

But I couldn't run a lap... I knew that.

But now. I can.

I run. I run and I run and I run.

And it's amazing.

Now I know if you can set some goals you can meet them. I promise you that.

Just like my miles. If you push yourself a little bit each week, you'll be amazed at what you can do. I'm not kidding you!!

And I know you can do it. And you will.... and I will, too. Together. You and I.

It's us! The Sisters and Sister-in-Laws. Whadda Group!!

Week 1: trail running for a half-marathon

2009-11-22T10:50:00.000-08:00

i was a mule carrying a loaded wagon uphill. i was an indian runnin' from the cowboys under the trees. i was the pony express running through the puddles. I was a kid playing in the rain. And near the end I was a downhill skiier jumping the moguls.

i pretended to be all those things while running five miles up and down through the hills in the rain and mud this morning.

Today is the mark of my first day of training for a half-marathon set to be held in February.

It was so mentally stimulating that it didn't feel anything like exercise but more like a great playful adventure. Dodging puddles and trying not to slip in the mud, I even had to jump over a deer carcass which nearly caused me to slip and stumble...

I feel really good right now. I know this will propel me into an amazing adventure and it will help mold a new attitude about believing in myself and attaining the goals i set my mind to... because, afterall, "all things are possible to him who believes..."

I'm off to pull off my muddy clothes and warm up in a hot shower...

Making the most of it

2009-11-17T18:47:00.000-08:00

Because how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. ~Annie Dillard

Ready, Set, Go!

2009-11-09T22:10:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of those days I'll remember for a long time. I ran my second 10k race.

And it felt really good!

And it was fun!

I started the race near the end of the large pack of runners and I struggled to find a nice, clear spot where I wasn't constantly on people's heels. The urge to pass anyone and everyone was strong.

Run your own race, I repeated over and over again. It will clear out. Don't wear yourself out.

I turned back to look for Karen and Heidi and Anita and Vanda and Martha, but all I saw were faceless people charging behind me.

So I pushed ahead. I saw Dennis and Mark about 20 yards in front of me. I kept my eye on them. I imagined myself catching up to them and I did and but never did I dream of eventually passing and ultimately finishing several minutes ahead of them.

I loved the little kids at the water stops. They'd lean way out.. their arms stretched out as far as they could extend them holding up small paper cups of water. I worried for a really quick second who's little hands would I accept the water from! I didn't want any of them to feel left out. But it happened so quickly and in one swoosh, I grabbed the cup, said Thaaank Yooou! and gulped it down .. mostly missing my mouth and drenching my shirt instead... as I continued on.

"You can do it!!" someone would shout. "You're looking strong!!" someone else would call out. Others stood clapping or slapping high-fives. I especially loved seeing my running coaches standing there calling out our names and cheering us on and really meaning it.

I found myself pushing harder and running faster.

Before I knew it and seemingly quite suddenly I was at the 5th mile post and I knew then, that nothing was going to stop me now. By now I was working on a breathing rhythm so I wouldn't become too breathless and I picked up my pace. Within a few minutes, I started hearing the cheers from the crowds at the finish line which really got my adrenaline going.

As I got close to the finish.... I instantly recognized my mom and Lloyd and Kelly and Matt in the sea of faces cheering me on. My mom carrying a small bouquet of sunflowers to hand me at the finish line. It was such an incredibly emotional experience seeing them standing there waiting for me to turn the corner and run for the finish line.

Six months ago, I never dreamed I would be running 6.2 miles in a race. And paying money to do it! ha!

I am still not in a place to tell you I enjoy running because I do not. But I certainly love the feeling afterward.

I am overall happy with my run. I ran it in 61 minutes though I made a mental note and goal to run it in under an hour.

And now I know I could have. If ONLY I watched the clock and kept track of my time! And next time I will do that. I still have a lot to learn.

So what was the other lesson learned this time out? I learned that whether in running or in life, it doesn't matter how fast I go out or how careful I am to save some for the end .... what it all boils down to ... is that I simply get out there and give it my best shot and run to the finish and never give up until I reach my goal.

We're all running in this life. We all feel the push at various times.

What run are you learning to run?

Maybe it's not long distance, but maybe, instead, you're putting off cleaning out your garage and getting rid of clutter you've held on to for a long time. Or maybe you've slowed down in your search for a job thinking you'll just wait to look when the economy picks up.

Whatever that is that keeps you from reaching your goal because it's uncomfortable or tiresome or doesn't feel good... my hope for you is that you keep running.

Focus on the goal and don't give up until you reach it. It'll stretch you and it'll hurt sometime and other times you just won't feel like doing it... but you can accomplish anything if you want it badly enough.

I so believe that.

And. I so believe in you.

Me, Karen and Heidi after the race

The Blur

2009-11-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

Eye glasses are really remarkable. What a great invention. Who woulda thought by taking an out-of-focus piece of glass and putting it up to the blurry eye... it would sharpen our vision. Well. If it's the right prescription. Two wrongs don't make a right, but two blurrinesses can turn something really fuzzy into such beautiful clarity.

Now if only one can invent an eye piece for our thoughts....

Discontinued Fabric

2009-11-05T19:52:00.000-08:00

Goodbye Kitty Capers. Goodbye Sea Monkeys.

I just heard these two fabrics I designed are going into retirement. (That's a kind word for saying they're being discontinued).

It was bound to happen. Not all fabrics can work their entire fabricated lives. I guess I'll just hafta come up with something new! (And I am!)

Happy Retirement.

Vintage Farm fabric

2009-10-29T20:52:00.000-07:00

So this was fun to do.

I was given some farm art and was given the job to recreate it into a repeat and just like I don't like telling stories without adding a bit of color and punch, I don't like creating fabric without doing the same.

I added some dogs. An extra horse. More roosters. A tractor. A windmill. A wagon and a bucketfull of apples, pigs near a trough, a fence, geese, rooster, a fence, ducks, hills, pathways, hills, sky, etc... and voila!

I rarely ever have this opportunity to take someone else's art and have the license to recreate it by combining it with my own art. It's really a lotta fun and a kick to do.

I'm really enjoying these opportunities as they present themselves.

Frozen

2009-10-20T19:18:00.000-07:00

Seemingly overnight, the hills have turned green by the recent rain we had last week. Between cooler mornings and hot afternoons. I'm never quite sure how to dress for this type of weather and by evening, I mostly feel as if I'm stuck inside a snow globe.

Kooky and Gross Candy

2009-10-12T18:18:00.000-07:00

Halloween candy can be funny, huh?

Here's some crazy candy that you can buy anytime of the year and it doesn't have to be at Halloween. I have yet to taste any of them.

My fascination with this spooky, halloween treat began when a friend of mine recently posted this photo on facebook. It's Ear Wax candy. Inside this plastic container shaped like the human ear is a fruit-flavored gel that you gather out by using a cotton swab-inspired device.

Bag O' Blood: This is a liquidized candy that comes in sour watermelon flavor and pours out of the Bag O' Blood like.... er, well, like blood... I would have loved this as a kid whenever we played doctor. Or even as a funny trick to play on April Fools Day while in the second grade!

On the label of the Box of Boogers box, it says "Tangy Gummy Boogies that look and feel REAL!" The flavors are Lemon Loogy, Sour Green Boogy and Snottermelon. The box also boasts that it's "Ssssnot your regular gummy!" ... with a consistency similiar to snot and has that sweet-and-salty flavor. This is not the candy I would ever enjoy... but apparently there are those out there who do.This candy reminds me of those wax-candied lips we'd wear and eventually chew til our jaws wore out. These rotting teeth and unhealthy gums simply dissolves into sweet candy as you chomp down.

You can obviously see that this is a giant plastic nose that you strap onto your face so all that lovely liquid candy can just oooze onto your tongue!! Pretty gross, huh? Boys will just love 'em!

I grew up with these lovely pimples enveloping my face like wrapping paper, so this candy would not be my favorite at all! These Zit Poppers are soft and gummy, and when squeezed, a lovely gooey red substance oozes out, just like when you you pop a zit, but this time it's completely painfree!

How would you respond to someone opening up a package of these bloody band aids and asking if you wanna suck on them. There are even bandages in the box that comes complete with a bloody-looking scab. "No thanks!" I would respond. Politely, of course.

And this just might be the worse one of all. Simply because it LOOKS like a urine sample container. And get this! This lovely package of Tower of Sour Liquid Candy Urine comes in FIVE different super sour flavors!

Enjoy!

IF: Pattern

2009-09-25T18:55:00.000-07:00

Click on artwork to view larger

Here is a retro piece I designed as fabric. The pattern is put into a half-drop repeat. And one of these days, by golly, I will be sleeping in pajamas made of this flannel fabric.. even if it's only in my dreams.

09-09-09 at 09:09

2009-09-09T22:49:00.000-07:00

I was driving up Hwy 101 from picking a friend up at the San Francisco Airport when I couldn't help but notice the time. I quickly pulled off an exit in Petaluma and took a quick picture. Things like this happen but once in a lifetime.

Or.. until next year when it turns 10:10 on October 1oth!

A Call from an Old Friend

2009-08-29T21:18:00.000-07:00

I picked up my ringing phone and was launched back to high school! Best friends forever, The BeeGees, playing volleyball in her church youth group, cowl neck sweaters and Farrah Fawcett hairdos.

"Shawn! I'm coming to your area! Let's get together and hang out for the afternoon."

And I thought we shouldn't so I told her that we would be like ships passing in the night because I was going to be gone that weekend. And, oh how sad, because we have so much to catch up on!

Catching up was precisely why I didn't want to see her. It all seemed so exhausting. We really don't know each other anymore.

Her life is strange to me. She is married to a pentecostal pastor and they were going to be in town to meet with other church leaders in the community.

We found each other through classmates.com and in a recent email exchange, she sent me a photo of herself. She is as beautiful as ever. She was standing in front of her fireplace at home wearing a long necklace with a cross. She exchanged her Farrah Fawcett hair style to a length longer than her gown she was wearing.

When I think of her, I think of notes passed between desks in Government class. "I love Dave but Coreen loves him. So I'm going to settle on Kenny. Do you like the song Torn Between Two Lovers. Have you heard it on the radio? KFRC is playing it alot these days. Sounds like me! Ha!"

My mom can drive us to see Grease tomorrow night. Can your mom pick us up? If not, I will ask if Karen's mom can."

We washed our faces with Noxzema and shampooed with Gee-Your-Hair-Smells-Terrific and played the BeeGees, Fleetwood Mac and Peter Frampton on our stereos.

When she moved away with her family out of state, I worried how I would endure another year in school without my best friend. She hugged me and promised to write and I followed the UHaul truck all through town until they reached the onramp to the highway and disappeard into the distance.

I remember feeling so lucky to have her as my friend and I didn't know what I'd do without her.

But now I do. I do without her all the time.

It has been too many years we haven't kept in touch that it's difficult to conjur up the energy now to spend an afternoon with her. Maybe another time. Maybe because she is pentecostal and I am not. Maybe because she knows I was once a missionary, living out of a suitcase living in neighborhoods some cab drivers wouldn't even venture down and doesn't know that was a lifetime ago for me and I no longer go to church.

Maybe I'm just not ready to talk to her about it. Maybe I worry about being judged by her. Maybe because I am still sorting out all the feelings and thoughts surrounding my full time ministry days. Maybe it is all those things. I am just not ready to talk to her about it.

But she will never know that.

Benny and the Birthday Berries

2009-08-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

I got a phone call from Tony that summer.

"Ya wanna do some writing for me?"
I knew him personally, plus he was a huge name in the Christian Publishing and I was just 23, recovering from a major injury and of course, I shouted, "YES! YES! YES!"

Initially I called the berries rash berries because I wrote into the story how they broke into a horrible rash.. a result from losing self-control and eating them. That was deleted among other things. I like to think that my original story was filled with sweet emotions and "ah-ha!" moments in cute, simple word structures. Once it was edited, I barely recognized my story. But that seemed okay by me. I was now a published writer. And I was just 23.

You can actually view my book here that turned to video:

This was during what I like to call my internship years. I was paid $30.00 a week to write the book which is still in publication today. My name is long gone from the credits but I still keep a few of the first editions where my name is still there in print.

I also did the inking in the illustrations using pantone felt pens and later when we put these books to video, I did the camera work, which makes me cringe when I see the quality of work.

We were all so young back then. Each day I would show up to work, I would pinch myself to wake me incase I was dreaming. I was so happy to be in such a creative job. It was one of my dreams coming true.

I've had many since then. But this was the beginning. This was the platform that started my fun, creative career.

Funny the things you can find on google.

Dooog's Garage Theater brings memories!

2009-08-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

I stumbled upon this video while on a google search of a kid's book i wrote in the middle of the 80s called Benny and the Birthday Berries.

I was the camera operator on this very episode ... among other things.

We were working in Pleasanton, California and I would pinch myself every morning before going into work because I couldn't believe I was working at such a fun job. We spent some crazy hours on this. I have a videotape making this film. A fun behind-the-scenes footage incase I ever decided on creating a documentary, which sometimes i still daydream about doing.

I giggle at this video now. It really does appear amateur and when I think back to those fond memories of us working on that video ... I realize the reason why it looks so amateur was because.... we were!

My very first 10K Race. Ever!

2009-07-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

It was only this morning.

In Oakland, California I ran around Lake Merritt, twice, and created history for myself.

It was a monumental moment for me. I ran 6.2 miles alone... quietly, with only a few knowing my name, I was Bib Wearer #133.

I drove the 60 miles there alone and back again. Anyone driving behind me or passing me in the lane on the highway... would never know what I was about to embark on .... or what I had just accomplished. Something quite small, actually, to the regular seasoned runner.

But to me.

I did it.

I did something I never imagined I could. Or wanted to.

I ran more than six miles at once.

And, just because.

Just because I wanted to believe in mind over matter. Just because I believed our physical body can do so much more than what our brain can dictate.

I wanted to push myself. I wanted to feel the stretch. I wanted to push past my comfort zone and feel the empowerment in doing that.

I realize it was just 6.2 miles.

But, I have never run that far before. This morning, while running past people walking alongside their dogs or friends, or talking on their cell phones... I knew they had no clue, that there was history in the making for me. But there was.

I felt truly alive.

I felt like I could achieve anything when I set my mind to it. And I have. And I will.

6.2 miles at a time.

See you at the finish line!

2009-07-24T21:21:00.000-07:00

I was talking to a licensed artist recently and she said that she was surprised at what sold well for her. They were lines she never considered anyone would really take interest to.

The designs she thought would be big sellers weren't so.

And then some she threw in the line at the last minute ... became her bread and butter.

Her words stayed with me for a very long time.

I'm an in-house designer.

I have no idea if any of my fabrics are selling well and those that are, what style is it that customers are drawn to?

I'm unsure whether or not, I should continue drawing the style as I have been doing or try momentarily, to push the envelope and try something new.

I am curious about that. I always want to push myself as an artist. To try something new. And different.

Perhaps in some obscure way, it's why I have started running.

I don't enjoy running, but I joined a running group and run three days a week. It pushes me. Pushes me beyond my comfort zone. Pushes me beyond my limits. To the outer-limits.

When it's all said and done, I can say, "i did it!"
I can say, "I gave it my all.."
"I pushed myself beyond all I could hope for."

And in the end, I want to hear as a result,
"I am so proud of you!"
"Yay! You DID it!"
"I didn't think you could do it, but you did!!!"

But. Aren't we all this way? Aren't you this way?
As a nurse, as a teacher, as an admin assistant.. don't you push yourself, too?

See what I mean?
We're not really different, afterall, are we.

See you at the finish line....

Princess fabric!

2009-06-26T23:29:00.000-07:00

Here are a few more fabrics I designed. This was specifically designed for chidren's sleepware and possible bedding. It sure was fun creating these.

Cat Scratch Fever

2009-06-10T22:33:00.000-07:00

So, my lovely Max -- the stray cat who has camped out on my front porch since last July --snuggled up behind me and laid down at my feet while I was watering my row of boxwoods.

I didn't see him.. and I stepped back to water at a better angle and .... CRUNCH!!!

He bit into my ankle to let me know I had him penned between my shoe and the sidewalk!! His teeth slicing into my bone was painful! But I didn't look at my own injury until I checked out Max's injury... feeling every inch of his sweet, purring body, I felt confident he wasn't in any pain so I went inside and took a good look at my injury.

By morning I couldn't put any weight on my foot so I called the doctor and they told me to come in right away.

I was given a tetanus shot and a week's supply of antibiodics and three days later, my cat bite looked like this:

I'm feeling much better now. The two fang bites are still healing, but please, if you experience a cat bite and it swells up, please contact your doctor at once. I don't know if I had Cat Scratch Fever but I did have a serious infection. And they say it is much more common than we think it is. Now I dare you to say cat scratch fever without singing those lines.

Go ahead.

Couldja do it?

I couldn't!!!!

Green Light Jerky

2009-05-29T21:02:00.000-07:00

I received a really nice email the other week from Green Light Jerky Company.

They somehow found and read my gruesome bad beef jerky experience from a few years ago while vacationing in Austin. While hoping I hadn't given up on beef jerky altogether, they asked if they could send me a free sample of their own to see if they could possibly persuade me into eating beef jerky again.

Well, hell yeah!!! How could I refuse!? I sent them my address and last night the package arrived in my mailbox.

Not only is it delicious, but it doesn't have any preservatives in it, such as nitrates or MSG and stuff like that.

And they seem like a really fun group of folks! They even have a Monthly Raffle!

All you hafta do is submit a picture of yourself with a bag of their Green Light Jerky. (even an empty bag is fine with them!) And if you're selected, you'll receive a free bag! Pretty cool, huh?

(Oh. And by the way, the small stick of jerky I'm holding up in my hand isn't that tiny. The rest of that delicious stick is in my mouth!)

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to submit my photo.....

Small beginnings

2009-05-19T19:26:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine keeps sending me pictures of his vegetable garden. And each time I see it, I am surprised by how much it has grown. He sent me a box of some zucchinis last week and I have been enjoying them immensely. He emailed me last night and said, "more on the way!"

So it was no surprise when I was walking into Safeway the other day and saw tomato plants for sale outside the entrance to the store, that I quickly scooped one up for my own.

I haven't done a thing to them but they sure are producing fine tomatoes. I picked a few this morning and will enjoy eating them with my lunch.

There is something very nurturing about having one's own plant to eat from.

More rugs

2009-05-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

While browsing through a family's photos on the internet, I nearly missed seeing one of my very own Hot Wheels rugs I designed laying there on their living room floor! It really caught me off guard. I came really close to not even seeing it because it was so familiar to me.

Here is my actual artwork:

Then, out of curiosity, I googled Thomas the Train rugs, and when I did, another one of my rugs showed up! This rug is 40" x 40"!

I created this and nearly all my work in Adobe Illustrator.

I was really excited to find these. Too often, I sit way too long behind the computer working on designs that I never seem to have time to stop what I'm doing for even a short time so I can see the finished work. And it's so important to do that.

Because. ... When you don't do that. And when you just sit there and pound out the work day after day but never see the end result, you never see what you have actually accomplished.

And when you never see what you have accomplished ... then you never ever feel that sense of completeness. You never see the dream fulfilled. And you need to see that. You need to see that your work is valuable. You need to embrace there is only one of you in this world and when you design your art... it comes up from your own unique self.

Embrace it.

Just another Race Track rug

2009-05-04T22:36:00.000-07:00

This one is just your basic race track. It's for a rug where young kids can roll their own cars along the tracks and play. These rugs are pretty large. You've probably seen something like this before in someone's house. Maybe you might even own one... (I've designed quite a few of these... I'll show them from time to time... along with new fabric I've been designing...)

Hot Wheels Rug

2009-04-27T21:26:00.000-07:00

Besides designing fabric, I've also been designing children's interactive rugs. This one is a licensed artwork for Hot Wheel.

Flat and fat and who's path am I on anyway?

2009-04-16T20:42:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling so monotone lately.

I think I'm going through the change.

That's what my mom calls it. "Going through the change".

I used to think that was something that happened to women in their 50s or possibly even in their 60s .... but ... apparently... I am wrong. Women are becoming peri-menopausal as early as their 20s these days! Not that I'm anywhere near my 20s....

I haven't written nearly as much as i have wanted, because ... to be honest with you ... whenever I sit down to write, I stare blankly at my computer's monitor for seemingly hours without a word to say.

The only thing I seem to accomplish is to breathe in deep and exhale a gust of air and watch my bangs blow upward toward the ceiling as I wait for just the right words to pop into my brain. But the only words that do surface are words like whatcha-macallit and thinga-majig or that doo-hickey.

What happened? My brain was once full. And now.. it's like someone gathered up all my passion and fun and excitement and drive into one large empty grocery bag and then tossed it into the nearest garbage bin.

For a while now, I've been self-reflecting and evaluating my blog, my life, my friends, and pretty much everything else that happens to find it's way across my path. Is this the right path for me? Is there a better one?

Everything that once was, seems to be no longer. The only thing predictable now is the unpredictability. My body is not playing fair anymore, either. I'm not liking it. It's almost as if the simple smell of food seems to be enough to pack on a coupla pounds around my mid-section. It's nothing short of hormonal terrorism.

My life feels like it's passing me by in a galloping pace and I want to jump in and start living in it more. I want to feel excited about things again like I once did not that long ago ... when it's 2 am and I'm super wide awake but who cares, because this is so much fun! And then I wake up early because I can't wait to start doing whatever that is again.

I'm not recognizing me much these days. My stories don't seem to have any rhythm to them. In fact, I don't feel like telling them. Sometimes I begin and then after a paragraph, I fear the story is not interesting enough and I need to stop. I want to show a project I've been working on and even that seems puny and silly to share.

I think, perhaps, my Muse has packed up her bags and bought a one-way ticket out of town.

Hang in there with me. I'll be back sooon. The me that once was.

Isn't that right? Those who have traveled this path before me? We really do come back as ourselves, don't we? Please say yes....

... and then I turned 12

2009-04-11T10:45:00.000-07:00

When i was 7, I couldn't get enough of Clifford the Big Red Dog, the Encyclopedia Brown series, Amelia Bedelia, The Little's Take a Trip and Harold the Purple Crayon.

When I was 9, I moved on to Charlotte's Web, Charlie & The Chocolate Factory, Harriet the Spy, The Great Brain and The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

By 11, I was reading Of Mice and Men, Little Women, Gone With The Wind, Mystery at Thunderbolt House and Mrs. Mike.

And then I turned 12.

Something happened. It was called Assigned Reading.

I had to read whatever I was given within a short period of time and then write about it.

Or worse!

Stand in front of the classroom and speak about it publicly.. making sure I gave the entire class the proper eye contact and project my voice across the classroom.

One of the books I had to read was The Red Badge of Courage. In my assignment, I had to point out the emotional symbols in the book. Such as ... Henry sees a lot of blood (emotional symbol) and death (emotional symbol) and this causes him to run away from battle (emotional response) which makes him feel ashamed (another emotion).

Something shifted inside me during that time, and, no matter how hard I tried to read, the words would just fall off the page and into my lap.

I suffered quietly.

I cheated my way through book assignments and public book reports from that day forward.

Sometimes, when I could, I falsified my own book report with make-believe characters and created summaries or stole them from short stories out of a magazine and lengthened them into any novel I wanted it to be.

Because in truth .. by then, the only things I read were the back of cereal boxes, Tigerbeat magazines and my mother's National Enquirers.

I envy those who join book clubs and those who spend their weekends by the pool reading their books expanding their minds by what they read.

I have read two books in the past three years or more. Fried Green Tomatoes and The Secret Life of Bees. Both books brought me so much joy. I remember how I felt between readings. I missed the characters and I looked forward to delving back in and reading. And I felt so sad when the book was over.

That's how all books should be.

Do you have a favorite book that I would perhaps enjoy reading? A book where the words stay in place and don't slip down the page and onto my lap? Summer is quickly approaching. I would so enjoy joining the others around the pool with a book in hand instead of my People magazine.

I'm interested in all types of books in all different categories. Or so, I would like to think that.

Just as long as there are easy-to-read short chapters with medium size text with lots of paragraphs just incase I wanted to stop reading between chapters, it would be a nice resting place.

(smile)

It is never too late....

2009-03-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

"Everyone is afraid they have missed the boat. We worry that we are too old, we missed it, it passed us by ... or we fear we might miss it if we are not looking all the time. But the truth is, you ARE the boat. No matter how old or young you are, you are the boat. You can't miss it! If you are still alive, you have things to do!" ~Carolyn Myss

It is never too late to sail. Do it today. Lick you finger and figure out the wind. And just head in that direction. Your fate will carry you.

Inside other people's fridge

2009-03-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why, but it just feels wrong to be a guest in someone else's house and open the door to their refrigerator. Even if they ask me to take out the gallon of milk, my eyes stay fixed on the milk carton and I don't allow them to wander anywhere else.

It's as though I've been asked to grab an extra roll of toilet paper in the master bedroom's bathroom or grab a coat from someone's closet.

I thought it would be fun to take pictures of the inside of refrigerators. A place that feels so private. A place we sometimes fear to venture.

100 B.C. (100 years Before Cowboys)

2009-03-07T09:37:00.000-08:00

When I was a small child, I somehow got this notion that B.C. meant Before Cowboys. First there were indians that roamed our land. And then the cowboys came and chased all the indians off to the southwestern states where they were corralled into indian reservations or sold arrow heads in New Mexico.

So if someone said, "it was the year 100 before B.C.".. I imagined it being a land of indians and buffalos and colored corn.

When I was between 3 and 4, i played cowboys everytime i had the chance. I used to carry my baby bottle in one of my holsters as I rode merrily through our house on my play stick horse!

When I was 5, I would play at Kathy's house and hop on her rocking horse.. It had a pull-string with a ring attached at the end and I loved pulling that string up toward my shoulder to hear the horse winny.

When I was 6, we tied a shoe-string across our stingray bike's handlebars and maneuvered the string to steer our bikes as if it were the reins on our horse. Other times, we'd loop a rope around someone's chest and under their arms and by holding the ends of the rope, we'd steer our horse from behind.

I remember playing Bonanza when Chucky jumped out from behind a tree and told me to drop my gun and put my hands up. I did. He shot me anyway.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

I leaned over holding my gut. "ooh. You got me!" I gasped and staggered a tiny bit before collapsing onto the grass, directly on top of my toy metal gun. I still wear the scar on my left knee.

And then one morning when I was 7, Terry came running over to my house in her brand new indian suit with war paint on her cheeks and feathers in her headband. And we never played cowboys again.

From that day forward, we played indians.

I loved the way the water color paint would dry out and feel pulled across my cheeks. My indian suit was my old Daniel Boone suit but Terry swore she would never share our secret.

And she didn't.

We'd run around in bare feet. We shot bow and arrows. We carried rubber tommyhawks in our belt. We made our teepee by hanging a large sheet from the clothesline and then spreading out all four corners using books to place it firmly on the ground.

Playing cowboys sure was a lotta fun. But, so was playing indians.

And, then again. So was playing pirates. And pretending to be little people. Or Swiss Family Robinson. Or Lassie. And Harriet the Spy. Or playing army or pretending to be The Monkees. Growing up as a kid back then sure is different than growing up as a kid today. And I'm grateful I was born in such a time as then.

Friendships that move on

2009-02-28T21:40:00.000-08:00

Ya know how it was when you were a kid and you'd hang out with your friend and you didn't hafta do much.

Maybe just read Archie comic books together. Or watch tv. Or hop on pogo sticks. Or listen to records or go on bike rides through the neighborhood. Or wander down to the creek to catch crawdads or pretend you were stranded on the island just like Gilligan and the gang.

I have a friend who I did just that with.

No penciling in on my calendar weeks in advance. He was my automatic friend. My automatically be there friend.

"Hi! Ya wanna hang out? it's such a beautiful day!"
"Sure! You wanna go on a picnic?" He'd say.
"Yes! I'd love that!"
"I'll pick up some snacks... see you in about 15 minutes!"

"whatcha doin'?" He'd ask.

"Oh, " I'd say, "I'm thinkin' of painting my gutters..."
"Ya need some help? I'll be right over and bring my ladder!"
"That's great! See ya when ya get here!"

"Hey what are you doing tomorrow?" He'd ask.
"Not sure. What are you doin'?" "Ya wanna go to the A's game? We can barbecue there in the parking lot before the game!"
"Sure! That'll be fun! Let me know what I should bring!"

We had an easy, spontaneous, always ready friendship. We hung out together a lot and all the time.

"Ya wanna come over and watch LOST?"
"I'll be right over."

"Hey! I wanna go on a walk, ya wanna join me?"
"Sure! I'll see you in five minutes!"

Such an easy friend to say yes to. And now he is gone.

He moved away two weeks ago. Three hundred long miles away.

This morning I needed to pick up dirt to fill up sink holes in my backyard. Normally, I'd call my friend, "Hey! Whatcha doin? Ya wanna help me bring in some dirt?"

He'd say, "Sure! See ya there!" And he'd drive up in his truck and we'd haul that dirt out to my backyard.

But this time he wasn't there.

The air felt so empty.

The day felt longer than it used to feel.

I called up another friend with a truck and asked the same question. He never returned my call.

Friendships. Really comfortable friends are golden. I didn't always need my friend to help me in my chores. More often than not, we needed each other for fun and adventures and to share a laugh with. We didn't hafta pencil each other in a month in advance. We were instead, the ever-ready spontaneous friend who was always available for fun.

He will always live in my heart.

And I miss him.

Especially today.

My Sister, my hero.

2009-02-09T01:23:00.000-08:00

Photo by J. Andres Vargas

My sister just ran 233.6 total km covered over six days. A total of 33,800 ft of elevation was climbed and it was calculated that she burned over 30,000 calories.

She ran through the jungles and rainforest of Costa Rica, along mountain trails, single track across ridgelines and coastal ranges. She's 50 years old and came in 3rd place among the women.

She is amazing.

She wrote this to us:

I just finished my second day and I am now in 3rd place. The heat and humidity is staggering. This is by far the hardest thing I have ever done. It is also the most incredible thing I have ever done. What can I say about the first two days? Heat, humidity, mud, snakes, swamp, lots of no trails. Just straight up the rainforest. At times it is a little scary, but it is simply amazing. I told one of the race directors today, that if I died after this race, it would be okay. My life would be complete. It rained alot yesterday and the humidity was horrible. We got up at 330 am today and the heat and humidity was horrible. It is like being in a steam room 24-7. This race is not for everyone, that is for sure. It is hard to stay organized and putting the tent up in the pouring rain is quite comical.

I miss you all. Mom, please don´t worry about me. I am having the time of my life. Tomorrow is a very hard day. It is hard to imagine running in this terrain again. I am feeling good though. The people here are great. Matt is rafting down a river today and I hope he is having fun. I love you Caleb, Chelsea, and Courtney. Hi Angie, Wally, Tyler and Kate! Hi Shawn, and Mom!! I say your notes today. Thankyou they really help. They made me almost cry. I love you all and can´t wait to tell you all about this incredible adventure.

and this:

well, the race is over and i am so happy to be finished with this adventure. the coastal challenge was the hardest race i have ever done. they didn't tell us that we would be swimming and bouldering, and running up steep muddy rainforest trails. actually they were not trails, we had to navigate straight up through the jungle looking for course markers. the heat and humidity was outrageous. we saw snakes, alligators, and lots of monkeys. they kept telling us that they had plenty of anti-venom in case we got bit by a snake. that was reasurring. one day we swam for 2 hours through a large river with our packs on before running for 7 hours more. on that day, i ran alone for 8 hours in the rainforest. it was exciting and exhausting all at the same time. camping in the middle of nowhere is interesting too. there was no downtime and the spiders in our make-shift cold showers were as big as softballs. i came in 3rd. the two women who beat me are in the 30s, so i can't complain. if you thought i was skinny before, well baby, look at me now!! wow, what 6 days in the jungle does to the bod!! thanks everyone for all the support. i love you all.

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Kelly is my hero. I know she can do anything. Brenda says she can be in the Green Berets. I think she could be in the Pony Express. (If they still had the Pony Express). Kelly truly believes in mind over matter. I started to wonder what has been my great challenges in my life have been. I know we all have them.

I have always been a great believer in listening to what makes our heart sing with joy. Finding exactly where our inspiration lives and then moving forward towards it. If you open your heart you will hear something that is devinely right for you... and life-fulfilling. Kelly has found that. So have I in a different way.

I have found it in my art.

We can spend endless hours in what brings our heart joy. That's when you know you have found it.

You can read more about my sister on her blog here.